Way back in 2004, Japanese maid enthusiast Ryo Kamiya developed Maid: The Role Playing Game. It was a simple RPG based on the idea of anime maids (players) serving a master (the GM) and trying to win his favor. If this sounds big time weird and gross, you're right on the money. It includes underage characters, seduction, weird sex, lots of references to spending the night in bed, and various forms of physical and emotional abuse too numerous to mention. Naturally, it was a big hit in Japan and in 2008 the game was translated to English. And now here we are. Look at this. It exists.
Steve: No! Dude, what is this? How can this be?
Zack: Some people enjoy anime. Some people enjoy anime maids. Some people want to go on adventures as flirty maids doing chores. As soon as I heard of this game, I knew it was destiny, Steve. You will play Maid: The RPG.
Steve: Bull crap I am not playing this. What do you even do in this stupid game?
Zack: You just have to make a maid character and then you serve a master and try to win his favor. It's actually creepier than it sounds. Any sort of maid you want, as long as it uses the rules.
Steve: Any sort?
Zack: Yes, but keep in mind almost everything relating to your character is determined by one of the seventy or eighty random tables in this book.
Steve: Alright, I looked at this crap and I rolled up my character.
Zack: Did it hurt?
Steve: This system has a lot of potential.
Steve: To make me puke.
Zack: Stop stalling. Let's meet your maid, Steve.
Simply put, if I had Johnny Manziel’s physical gifts, you better believe I would be there in the Weight Room, getting to bed early, doing whatever I had to do to be the best possible athlete I could be. I wouldn't be posting on social media about sucking titties. I wouldn't even look at a titty, buddy. I'd look at a titty and see two big footballs.
A real friend doesn't move until the middle of August, ensuring temperatures in the 90s and a humidity that turns boxers into moist balls of ruined cotton.
Expendable? You must be joking.
Zack Parsons, Steve "Malak" Sumner, and friends tackle bizarre role playing game products that make them wonder, "What the fuck!?" From the early days of Gygax to contemporary role playing games, none will be spared.