Zack: The room is clearly a training room for Joe Rogan. The letter R is painted on one wall and surrounded by a wicked Affliction-style picture of an eagle. Posters of various UFC fighters decorate the walls and there are two tanning beds, a sensory deprivation tank and a large bin filled with salt-like crystals. The bin is labeled "SALVIA AND DMT."
Steve: I ask the wizards if they can make any potions out of the ingredients in the bin.
Zack: "Yes," says the baby wizad, "but it will take some time. You should probably tear through some reps on the Bowflex and see if you can work on that muffin top."
Steve: "The only bow I flex will be the bow of archery and, be ye wee or not, the arrow will be aimed at you!"
Zack: Grumbling, they set about distilling the bin ingredients, along with basil and water from the isolation tank, into a bubbling potion. Trebbelos hands it to you and says, "It will make you invisible, but only to your ego. Use when you need it most."
Steve: I will save it for the final fight. Now where to?
Zack: After a shitload of backtracking - and a lot of complaining from Trebbelos who is way past his nap time and desperately needs a bottle - you end up outside a door. A faint, reddish glow emanates from beneath the door.
Steve: Kicking it in and preparing to fight some evil.
Three years ago, when we were burying my uncle, Cleaver and some gross lady dog (Solstice???) showed up at the cemetery and starting going at it really loudly. It ruined everything and we had to have a "re-do" the next day and it cost a fortune. I've hated him ever since for that.
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Ignore the hype. Find out how these games will likely go right or wrong.
Doing some reps on the water bottle huh. I prefer bench press myself. Just kidding - stay hydrated.
Zack Parsons, Steve "Malak" Sumner, and friends tackle bizarre role playing game products that make them wonder, "What the fuck!?" From the early days of Gygax to contemporary role playing games, none will be spared.