Zack: The room is clearly a training room for Joe Rogan. The letter R is painted on one wall and surrounded by a wicked Affliction-style picture of an eagle. Posters of various UFC fighters decorate the walls and there are two tanning beds, a sensory deprivation tank and a large bin filled with salt-like crystals. The bin is labeled "SALVIA AND DMT."
Steve: I ask the wizards if they can make any potions out of the ingredients in the bin.
Zack: "Yes," says the baby wizad, "but it will take some time. You should probably tear through some reps on the Bowflex and see if you can work on that muffin top."
Steve: "The only bow I flex will be the bow of archery and, be ye wee or not, the arrow will be aimed at you!"
Zack: Grumbling, they set about distilling the bin ingredients, along with basil and water from the isolation tank, into a bubbling potion. Trebbelos hands it to you and says, "It will make you invisible, but only to your ego. Use when you need it most."
Steve: I will save it for the final fight. Now where to?
Zack: After a shitload of backtracking - and a lot of complaining from Trebbelos who is way past his nap time and desperately needs a bottle - you end up outside a door. A faint, reddish glow emanates from beneath the door.
Steve: Kicking it in and preparing to fight some evil.
If that boy isn't willing to shoot his laser and get you that carbon, he's not worth your time.
REFORMED HOG - Former member of the swine family, has now agreed to behave like a proper dog. Free to patient home willing to overlook physical defects. 555-2519
Available in Large, which is actually a Medium stretched out to appear bigger.
If you're in a tight spot, this is going to be really helpful (I'M JOKING. I'M KIDDING AROUND)
Zack Parsons, Steve "Malak" Sumner, and friends tackle bizarre role playing game products that make them wonder, "What the fuck!?" From the early days of Gygax to contemporary role playing games, none will be spared.