Zack: Spiraling up, through infinite plateaus, you see the world of Tom Clancy recede. The pure energy of your being ascends to a primordial place of formations, where the slithering shape of all flesh is revealed. A voice speaks to you from within the formless ocean: "Steven, you are here. It is so good to see you."
Steve: Uh. Dude, my character's name is Tom Clancy and what is happening?
Zack: Your journey has brought you here, before me, Steven Sumner. I am the Ur-DM. At the founding moments of time and space I was the dweller who created the passages and encounters which you travel. I created the language of every race, the shape of every die. I am the master of the dungeon masters. And I have watched you with great interest.
Steve: How does this thing know my name?
Zack: I know your name because I control the game in which you play. You see, Steven? You are a god or a master of your game, but in mine you are only an NPC.
Steve: I am starting to feel sick. Are you saying I'm not real?
Zack: It's true, Steven. You were created to populate one of my adventures. A funny encounter at an inn, you were only supposed to last a few minutes before the story moved on, but you turned out to be really funny and the party got hung up on interacting with you. Before long I had to revise my entire campaign plan on the fly to accommodate my stupid group's obsession with you. Now here you are, standing before me.
Steve: What do you want from me???
Zack: I want only what all creators want, Steven. To see my creations flourish. What would make you happiest, Steven?
Steve: Send me back! Send me back tot he game!
Zack: Unearthly trumpets blare and you are sucked back into your body. A Gnome wearing low light goggles is waking you up with smelling salts. Trebbelos looks down at you and says, "Yep, he's still fat as hell."
Steve: Oh, thank god. That was really scary! I didn't know what was real for a second there.
Zack: Congratulations, you have found the Unknown.
Steve: But at what cost?!?!?
Zack: See you next time folks! Be sure to check out my upcoming novel, LIMINAL STATES! There will be a sample chapter posted today.
Sorry about the blurry photo. I was lunging at my phone, yelling at it to take a clear picture. It's the only image of me that exists. I'd take another picture for you, but I'm in the middle of a rigorous trampoline session.
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