Steve: Legends tell of like a thousand years ago there was this gnome named Keraptis and he went into the White Plume Mountain with his gnome buddies and nobody ever saw him since for like a thousand years. Then suddenly three powerful magic items went missing. There was a sword, a hammer, and something else. Nobody can figure out what's going on, but then the dudes who had the weapons before all get notes signed by Keraptis saying he took it all and took it to White Plume Mountain.

Zack: What is Buddy Jones doing?

Steve: You're sitting in town at the inn.

Zack: I get up on the nearest table and I shout out for everybody to listen.

Steve: Everybody stops what they're doing and turns to you.

Zack: I tell them I am gathering a party to travel to Beyond the Lair of Dragotha, the undead dragon, where fabulous riches and hideous death await.

Steve: Nobody believes you.

Zack: "Am I not credible?" I demand with extreme haughtiness and jangle my sinister to-tems.

Steve: Nobody wants to adventure there. Hideous death awaits.

Zack: Are there any wenches nearby?

Steve: A few.

Zack: Are they comely?

Steve: Quite.

Zack: Ugh. Casting gaseous form and leaving out of the chimney.

Steve: A gust of wind blows you to White Plume Mountain.

More WTF, D&D!?

This Week on Something Awful...

  • Meditations from a Movable Weiner

    Meditations from a Movable Weiner

    Sometimes I dream that I'm sitting in the back of the defunct Weinermobile as it careens driverless down the highway. At first I thought this was symbolic of the powerlessness I feel in life, but then I realized it's actually the Weinermobile's dream of being able to drive again.

  • Dog Reviews: The Barquis de Sade & Cleaver Dog Reviews: The Barquis de Sade & Cleaver

    Three years ago, when we were burying my uncle, Cleaver and some gross lady dog (Solstice???) showed up at the cemetery and starting going at it really loudly. It ruined everything and we had to have a "re-do" the next day and it cost a fortune. I've hated him ever since for that.

Copyright ©2014 Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka & Something Awful LLC.