Steve: Legends tell of like a thousand years ago there was this gnome named Keraptis and he went into the White Plume Mountain with his gnome buddies and nobody ever saw him since for like a thousand years. Then suddenly three powerful magic items went missing. There was a sword, a hammer, and something else. Nobody can figure out what's going on, but then the dudes who had the weapons before all get notes signed by Keraptis saying he took it all and took it to White Plume Mountain.
Zack: What is Buddy Jones doing?
Steve: You're sitting in town at the inn.
Zack: I get up on the nearest table and I shout out for everybody to listen.
Steve: Everybody stops what they're doing and turns to you.
Zack: I tell them I am gathering a party to travel to Beyond the Lair of Dragotha, the undead dragon, where fabulous riches and hideous death await.
Steve: Nobody believes you.
Zack: "Am I not credible?" I demand with extreme haughtiness and jangle my sinister to-tems.Steve: Nobody wants to adventure there. Hideous death awaits.
Zack: Are there any wenches nearby?Steve: A few.
Zack: Are they comely?
Zack: Ugh. Casting gaseous form and leaving out of the chimney.
Steve: A gust of wind blows you to White Plume Mountain.
Maria Mitchell is shown holding a telescope to each eye, using them to ogle passing hunks on the street below. OOOGA! Her tongue rolls out like a firehose, her eyes comically bulging through the ends of the telescopes.
The Internet experience of 2014 has been condensed into a single article for your convenience.
Zack Parsons, Steve "Malak" Sumner, and friends tackle bizarre role playing game products that make them wonder, "What the fuck!?" From the early days of Gygax to contemporary role playing games, none will be spared.