Steve: Legends tell of like a thousand years ago there was this gnome named Keraptis and he went into the White Plume Mountain with his gnome buddies and nobody ever saw him since for like a thousand years. Then suddenly three powerful magic items went missing. There was a sword, a hammer, and something else. Nobody can figure out what's going on, but then the dudes who had the weapons before all get notes signed by Keraptis saying he took it all and took it to White Plume Mountain.

Zack: What is Buddy Jones doing?

Steve: You're sitting in town at the inn.

Zack: I get up on the nearest table and I shout out for everybody to listen.

Steve: Everybody stops what they're doing and turns to you.

Zack: I tell them I am gathering a party to travel to Beyond the Lair of Dragotha, the undead dragon, where fabulous riches and hideous death await.

Steve: Nobody believes you.

Zack: "Am I not credible?" I demand with extreme haughtiness and jangle my sinister to-tems.

Steve: Nobody wants to adventure there. Hideous death awaits.

Zack: Are there any wenches nearby?

Steve: A few.

Zack: Are they comely?

Steve: Quite.

Zack: Ugh. Casting gaseous form and leaving out of the chimney.

Steve: A gust of wind blows you to White Plume Mountain.

More WTF, D&D!?

This Week on Something Awful...

  • Advanced Level Sexy Catcalls

    Advanced Level Sexy Catcalls

    Hows about you, me, and five uncomfortable minutes in my basement apartment next to the dusty Christmas tree that's still up from my last visit with my estranged children.

  • Zagat's Guide to Poor Person Eating

    Zagat's Guide to Poor Person Eating

    The Upper Kitchen Cabinet Where Your Roommate Keeps His Food: You’ll 'need the footstool' to reach your roommate’s 'fine selection' of 'stale cereal,' but he'll never notice if 'only a little is missing from each box.' Feel less guilty by reminding yourself that Jeff 'acts weird around your girlfriend,' and always 'asks about her.' What a 'creep.'

Copyright ©2015 Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka & Something Awful LLC.