Steve: The manticores are chowing down on their gnome meal. You've got the treasure. There's a sword called Blackrazor and a magic hammer and I think a boomerang or something.

Zack: Can Buddy use any of these weapons?

Steve: No.

Zack: Why didn't you tell me that at the beginning?

Steve: Would you have still gone?

Zack: Buddy didn't go at all, remember? He turned into gas and then you had a wind blow him to the mountain. I think this was all just an excuse to relive some weird fantasy you have about kelp ladies and Donnie's older sister.

Steve: Her name was Kelly.

Zack: I can't believe you subjected me to all this.

Steve: At least you have the sword and stuff you can trade to someone else.

Zack: Yes, good point, I can trade my fake magic sword and hammer to someone else like all the nobody I intend to ever talk about this with, ever.

Steve: You might use Buddy Jones again in one of these scenarios.

Zack: Buddy Jones is gone. He is retiring. He is going to a tropical climate with nice beaches and he's conjuring up a couple of nice native girl skeletons in grass skirts to fan him and he's going to drink things out of pineapples.

Steve: Sounds like there's an adventure in there somewhere.


– Zack Parsons and Steve "Malak" Sumner (@sexyfacts4u)

More WTF, D&D!?

This Week on Something Awful...

  • Advanced Level Sexy Catcalls

    Advanced Level Sexy Catcalls

    Hows about you, me, and five uncomfortable minutes in my basement apartment next to the dusty Christmas tree that's still up from my last visit with my estranged children.

  • Zagat's Guide to Poor Person Eating

    Zagat's Guide to Poor Person Eating

    The Upper Kitchen Cabinet Where Your Roommate Keeps His Food: You’ll 'need the footstool' to reach your roommate’s 'fine selection' of 'stale cereal,' but he'll never notice if 'only a little is missing from each box.' Feel less guilty by reminding yourself that Jeff 'acts weird around your girlfriend,' and always 'asks about her.' What a 'creep.'

Copyright ©2015 Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka & Something Awful LLC.