Steve: The manticores are chowing down on their gnome meal. You've got the treasure. There's a sword called Blackrazor and a magic hammer and I think a boomerang or something.
Zack: Can Buddy use any of these weapons?
Zack: Why didn't you tell me that at the beginning?
Steve: Would you have still gone?
Zack: Buddy didn't go at all, remember? He turned into gas and then you had a wind blow him to the mountain. I think this was all just an excuse to relive some weird fantasy you have about kelp ladies and Donnie's older sister.
Steve: Her name was Kelly.
Zack: I can't believe you subjected me to all this.
Steve: At least you have the sword and stuff you can trade to someone else.
Zack: Yes, good point, I can trade my fake magic sword and hammer to someone else like all the nobody I intend to ever talk about this with, ever.
Steve: You might use Buddy Jones again in one of these scenarios.
Zack: Buddy Jones is gone. He is retiring. He is going to a tropical climate with nice beaches and he's conjuring up a couple of nice native girl skeletons in grass skirts to fan him and he's going to drink things out of pineapples.
Steve: Sounds like there's an adventure in there somewhere.
Sometimes I dream that I'm sitting in the back of the defunct Weinermobile as it careens driverless down the highway. At first I thought this was symbolic of the powerlessness I feel in life, but then I realized it's actually the Weinermobile's dream of being able to drive again.
Three years ago, when we were burying my uncle, Cleaver and some gross lady dog (Solstice???) showed up at the cemetery and starting going at it really loudly. It ruined everything and we had to have a "re-do" the next day and it cost a fortune. I've hated him ever since for that.
Ignore the hype. Find out how these games will likely go right or wrong.
Zack Parsons, Steve "Malak" Sumner, and friends tackle bizarre role playing game products that make them wonder, "What the fuck!?" From the early days of Gygax to contemporary role playing games, none will be spared.