Steve: You are approaching White Plume Mountain. Ahead of you there is a mountain with a plume above it.
Zack: What color is this plume?
Zack: I conjure an undead horror to serve my whims.
Steve: There is some cool black lightning effects and then a skeleton warrior appears.
Zack: Not really a horror. Oh, well. I tell him, "I command thee noble skeleton, bring me back the three magic items from the dungeon in the mountain over there."
Steve: You can't do that.
Zack: Well, it was worth a try. Alright, me and the skeleton are going into the dungeon. I ask him if he has a name.
Steve: It's a girl skeleton and she can't talk.
Zack: "Looks like I'm going to have to do all the talking, future Mrs. Buddy Jones."
Steve: You approach White Plume Mountain and climb inside.
Zack: That was easy. I'd pretty much die puking if I had to climb a giant volcano in real life.Steve: You're in a realm of adventure.
Zack: When I climbed the mountain I wanted to let the skeleton girl climb ahead of me so I could look up at her butt.
Steve: Yes, but you're not turned on at all.
Zack: She needs to take better care of herself.
In case you read my profile online and got excited, I wanted to clear up any misunderstandings.
In a Something Awful exclusive, we reveal the true state of Darren Wilson after his harrowing encounter with Michael Brown.
Zack Parsons, Steve "Malak" Sumner, and friends tackle bizarre role playing game products that make them wonder, "What the fuck!?" From the early days of Gygax to contemporary role playing games, none will be spared.