Steve: Well, that's that I guess!
Zack: Not so fast! We've got to tell these people what they won!
Steve: Well then do it! Before people call you a jerk!Zack: 6th, 5th, 4th, and 3rd place will receive an autographed copy of Your Next-Door Neighbor is a Dragon. Our 2nd place winner will receive this as well as your copy of Monster Manual, which you have drawn a picture inside.
Steve: SalmonFlavoredTuna is getting a picture of a Beholder.
Zack: Way to spoil the surprise!Steve: We need to stop being so mean to each other. Keith told me I have been storing a lot of anger since I started doing these columns with you. You're too angry.
Zack: The grand prize championship victory winner will receive an autographed copy of Your Next-Door Neighbor is a Dragon, an autographed copy of My Tank is Fight!, a copy of the greatest novel ever written, a quintuple XL Rifts t-shirt from Palladium, and a $50 Amazon gift card.Steve: That means you, Gnap!
Zack: Winners should contact me via SA Forums PM with their name and mailing address and what they would like their autograph to say.
Steve: "TO A JERK WHO WON A JERK CONTEST" Signed, "A. JERK."
Zack: If you don't have PMs then you can email me at firstname.lastname@example.org.
Steve: Congratulations to all the jerk winners and condolences to all the jerk losers. I hope you guys, like, trip and almost fall over, but catch yourself with your hand, but then it scrapes your hand a little bit. Jerks.
Zack: I think you guys and gals are all pretty awesome and thanks for participating in our contest!
This is very real. As an insider I possess damning evidence that could utterly destroy Something Awful. This website has many enemies who appear to be coming to power in the United States. They probably have lots of money at their disposal, and I could really use some.
Don't let the winter dryness destroy your sinuses.
Zack Parsons, Steve "Malak" Sumner, and friends tackle bizarre role playing game products that make them wonder, "What the fuck!?" From the early days of Gygax to contemporary role playing games, none will be spared.