Steve: Well, that's that I guess!

Zack: Not so fast! We've got to tell these people what they won!

Steve: Well then do it! Before people call you a jerk!

Zack: 6th, 5th, 4th, and 3rd place will receive an autographed copy of Your Next-Door Neighbor is a Dragon. Our 2nd place winner will receive this as well as your copy of Monster Manual, which you have drawn a picture inside.

Steve: SalmonFlavoredTuna is getting a picture of a Beholder.

Zack: Way to spoil the surprise!

Steve: We need to stop being so mean to each other. Keith told me I have been storing a lot of anger since I started doing these columns with you. You're too angry.

Zack: The grand prize championship victory winner will receive an autographed copy of Your Next-Door Neighbor is a Dragon, an autographed copy of My Tank is Fight!, a copy of the greatest novel ever written, a quintuple XL Rifts t-shirt from Palladium, and a $50 Amazon gift card.

Steve: That means you, Gnap!

Zack: Winners should contact me via SA Forums PM with their name and mailing address and what they would like their autograph to say.

Steve: "TO A JERK WHO WON A JERK CONTEST" Signed, "A. JERK."

Zack: If you don't have PMs then you can email me at [email protected]

Steve: Congratulations to all the jerk winners and condolences to all the jerk losers. I hope you guys, like, trip and almost fall over, but catch yourself with your hand, but then it scrapes your hand a little bit. Jerks.

Zack: I think you guys and gals are all pretty awesome and thanks for participating in our contest!

– Zack Parsons and Steve "Malak" Sumner (@sexyfacts4u)

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