~4th Place~

"Shiren the Ukiyokai"

By Pandaman

Random Oni Table Rolls

81 - Bird; barrel chested, broad upper body, narrow lower abdomen.
21 - Human face; no horror factor bonus.
33 - Pointed nose three times larger than a normal human.
87 - Roll again for eye shape (or pick one), but has four of them.
28 - Human mouth with fangs and sharp teeth. 2D4 M.D. from bite.
96 - Octopus-like tentacles instead of arms; twice as long as human arms; 2D6 M.D. from whip attack, +4 to entangle/grab/hold.
83 - Animal-like; hover or like bear. 6D6 speed attribute. According to [Zack] that means whatever I like, so more tentacles!
90 - Tail of a lizard.
35 - Fiery Red Skin.

Description: Originally born in the eastern provinces, Shiren used to have a career as a undersecretary for a rather cruel Lich Lord who ran a busy and quite lucrative Dungeon just off the coast of Amn. Although her pay was largely commission based, Shiren's skills as an Enchanter and Illusionist earned her quite an income due to the bonuses garnered from adventurers she frequently lured (and did largely unspeakable things to) in her lair.

Soon she had squirreled away a small fortune in baubles and magical trinkets and it was not long before she had resigned her post, packed her belongings and retired to live a life of luxury in the eversunny holiday plane of B'ar-Ba'dos.

Still, old habits die hard, and it is quite often that screams of torment can be heard echoing long into the night from some holiday maker she's tempted back to her room using her wiles.

The Verdict

Steve: Alright, I admit it. I'd party with these babes. And if you can't admit that to yourself then you don't deserve to call yourself a man.

Zack: MDK 3 looks really weird. I wonder if the suit still has that tube parachute.

Steve: Huh?

Zack: Oh, wait, this isn't a screenshot from MDK 3, it's just Steve getting taken in again by furries.

Steve: That horse man with the three penises was so nice and he said he stood to inherit millions, all I had to do was transfer a few thousand to his bank account.

Zack: You know what they say Steve, never turn your back on a drug and never wire money to a triple dicker horseman.
More WTF, D&D!?

This Week on Something Awful...

  • Meditations from a Movable Weiner

    Meditations from a Movable Weiner

    Sometimes I dream that I'm sitting in the back of the defunct Weinermobile as it careens driverless down the highway. At first I thought this was symbolic of the powerlessness I feel in life, but then I realized it's actually the Weinermobile's dream of being able to drive again.

  • BarkWire.com Dog Reviews: The Barquis de Sade & Cleaver

    BarkWire.com Dog Reviews: The Barquis de Sade & Cleaver

    Three years ago, when we were burying my uncle, Cleaver and some gross lady dog (Solstice???) showed up at the cemetery and starting going at it really loudly. It ruined everything and we had to have a "re-do" the next day and it cost a fortune. I've hated him ever since for that.

Copyright ©2014 Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka & Something Awful LLC.