"DEBORAH the QUEEN of EVIL"
Random Oni Table Rolls
Body (37) Broad, muscular human
Head (99) Ratlike
Nose (79) Tiny nose
Eyes (22) Large round eyes that are white
Mouth (53) Large toad mouth, no lips, just a long slit with sharp teeth
Arms (46) Thin arms, gnarled, muscular, but misshapen
Legs (79) Human feet with clawed toes
Other (29) Large mane of black hair
Color (21) Light red (I think they mean pink)
Description: Deborah is a summonable demon who has the ability to cast the level 10 spell 'Uncomfortable sexual tension' between herself and any character. During battle any character afflicted with 'Uncomfortable sexual tension' will spend his turns alternating between unbearable lust and unbearable self-loathing, and has to roll a saving throw against shame-inspired suicide.
Zack: Second in creepiness only to that weird albino furry man thing that we also gave a prize to.
Steve: I'm just going to stare into this thing's dead eyes and try to forget we ever saw that other thing.Zack: At least this one has hooters.
Steve: But they're scary boobs. Terror boobs are the worst sort of boobs, because you should never take off a shirt and see some boobs and be like AAAAHHHH! You should be more like ahhhhhhh...
Sometimes I dream that I'm sitting in the back of the defunct Weinermobile as it careens driverless down the highway. At first I thought this was symbolic of the powerlessness I feel in life, but then I realized it's actually the Weinermobile's dream of being able to drive again.
Three years ago, when we were burying my uncle, Cleaver and some gross lady dog (Solstice???) showed up at the cemetery and starting going at it really loudly. It ruined everything and we had to have a "re-do" the next day and it cost a fortune. I've hated him ever since for that.
Ignore the hype. Find out how these games will likely go right or wrong.
Doing some reps on the water bottle huh. I prefer bench press myself. Just kidding - stay hydrated.
Zack Parsons, Steve "Malak" Sumner, and friends tackle bizarre role playing game products that make them wonder, "What the fuck!?" From the early days of Gygax to contemporary role playing games, none will be spared.