Zack: "Ah! My greatest fear! A nearly naked woman!"
Steve: Clearly she is using an illusion and this is meant to convey her appearing as the zombie man trying to menace the other wizard dude.
Zack: Look at her hand on the left up there. It's like the artist gave up.
Steve: I can't unsee it.
Zack: It's the Kate's hoof fiasco all over again.
Steve: I know we've been talking about art this whole time, but I want to take a second to talk about wild magic introduced in this book. You know I hate magic and wizards.
Zack: You think they are too powerful in the game.
Steve: Basically. Wizards in D&D would be fine if you want to play Harry Potter where everybody is a wizard, but after the first few levels it's basically protect the wizard while he wins the encounter. Anyway, wild magic in this book is the worst. It takes magic in D&D and makes it way more complicated and then adds a random effect table.
Zack: I thought you liked those tables.
Steve: Encounter and treasure tables, sure. Mutation or insanity tables, great. But every time you cast a spell it might go haywire and make your hair grow a foot, make you sneeze around magic items or some other idiotic crap? It's bogus, dude.
Zack: Verdict: bogus.
Steve: Wild magic turns the game into a cartoon about wizards. It's the worst.
I'm haunted by a recurring vision of a skeleton flipping me off. To avoid seeing this terrifying image in bumper sticker form, I pay someone with a blank bumper to drive in front of me at all times.
Cons: causes bad nightmares. I used to have to eat beef until I passed out to have these kind of terrors, but this machine does it for me every time I fall asleep inside it.
Zack Parsons, Steve "Malak" Sumner, and friends tackle bizarre role playing game products that make them wonder, "What the fuck!?" From the early days of Gygax to contemporary role playing games, none will be spared.