Zack: "Ah! My greatest fear! A nearly naked woman!"
Steve: Clearly she is using an illusion and this is meant to convey her appearing as the zombie man trying to menace the other wizard dude.
Zack: Look at her hand on the left up there. It's like the artist gave up.
Steve: I can't unsee it.
Zack: It's the Kate's hoof fiasco all over again.
Steve: I know we've been talking about art this whole time, but I want to take a second to talk about wild magic introduced in this book. You know I hate magic and wizards.
Zack: You think they are too powerful in the game.
Steve: Basically. Wizards in D&D would be fine if you want to play Harry Potter where everybody is a wizard, but after the first few levels it's basically protect the wizard while he wins the encounter. Anyway, wild magic in this book is the worst. It takes magic in D&D and makes it way more complicated and then adds a random effect table.
Zack: I thought you liked those tables.
Steve: Encounter and treasure tables, sure. Mutation or insanity tables, great. But every time you cast a spell it might go haywire and make your hair grow a foot, make you sneeze around magic items or some other idiotic crap? It's bogus, dude.
Zack: Verdict: bogus.
Steve: Wild magic turns the game into a cartoon about wizards. It's the worst.
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Not what I had in mind when I ordered an Italian gondolier. This is literally just a tiny toy. Needless to say, the Italian businessmen were not impressed and I looked like a damn fool. We lost the pizza pie account and will have to lay off half our factory.
Time to applaud the man who applauds in a loop until the end of time.
Zack Parsons, Steve "Malak" Sumner, and friends tackle bizarre role playing game products that make them wonder, "What the fuck!?" From the early days of Gygax to contemporary role playing games, none will be spared.