Steve: I knew this was where we were headed.
Zack: You could have warned me.
Steve: I was hoping it would just disappear somehow.
Zack: Steve, you have an avoidance personality. You need to confront your problems. Treat them like kobolds or goblins.
Steve: Cast sleep and slit their throats?
Zack: No, dummy, you lay out some cardboard and start body popping to your favorite lute tape.
Steve: I prefer the dulcimer.
Zack: I don't care if you want to do the centipede to the crumhorn until your belly looks like a grape, as long as you maximize on style and break so ya feel it.
Obviously, the first thing necessary to getting back in shape is buying a bunch of expensive knick-knacks.
Finally, a look at the candidate's long-delayed tax returns.
Zack Parsons, Steve "Malak" Sumner, and friends tackle bizarre role playing game products that make them wonder, "What the fuck!?" From the early days of Gygax to contemporary role playing games, none will be spared.