Zack: Thank goodness TSR clarified that this is a pinball machine. I thought it was some new monster or something.
Steve: That's the theme of this whole book: take common items from our world and make them fit into D&D.
Zack: Just don't fit too well into D&D. In fact, don't really fit at all. Just jam some bullshit you saw down in your kitchen into D&D. It'll be fun.
Steve: I have always wanted stats for a pinball game so I could have players roll how well they do at pinball.
Zack: And if they do poorly maybe a ghost can come out and fight them or something. Wouldn't that be super?
Steve: Yes, after all, as a huge jagoff I love to do this thing, I want to do it more, and I thank TSR for making it all possible.
Zack: Ohhhh and my players will laugh and laugh until tingly tears roll down their fatty little apple cheeks as they realize that I have just described to them...a (titter) a (guffaw) PINBALL machine!
Steve: One time Keith had us fight a helicopter, but it was okay because there was a time rift and it was just temporary. It was an Apache attack helicopter.
Zack: But did it run on steam and gnome magic?
Steve: No, but there were three skeletons inside with buckets of water.
This is very real. As an insider I possess damning evidence that could utterly destroy Something Awful. This website has many enemies who appear to be coming to power in the United States. They probably have lots of money at their disposal, and I could really use some.
Don't let the winter dryness destroy your sinuses.
Zack Parsons, Steve "Malak" Sumner, and friends tackle bizarre role playing game products that make them wonder, "What the fuck!?" From the early days of Gygax to contemporary role playing games, none will be spared.