Steve: It would be really hard to bust a pimple in this mirror.
Zack: If you use the mirror to remove a botfly larva when it pops out it will look just like your favorite flavor of jellybean!
Steve: Aw! I saw a video where they took one of those out of some guy's head and it looked like a little baby man. It had a face and everything.
Zack: What did the face look like?
Steve: It had a crying mouth and sad eyes and a pencil thin mustache that went all the way around its mouth. And it had a split tongue, but not like a snake, it was like this girl I saw a picture of on some website of weird tattoo pictures.
Zack: You did not see a video where that happened.
Steve: I meant I dreamed I watched a video of that happening, because I saw a video on Liveleak of a botfly, but I didn't click it because that's gross. I didn't want to see a little baby man with a mustache get pulled out of some guy's head.
Zack: Uhhhhh, getting back to the mirror, I have to say I don't understand its function.
Steve: Self-esteem. It's important even in D&D.
Zack: Is there a stat for it?Steve: It's sort of Charisma.
Zack: "Roll to see if your botched showing in the combat forces you into a spiral of overeating and poor body image."
Steve: That's not how it works.
Zack: "Roll bend bars/drop panties for all the wrong guys."
Not what I had in mind when I ordered an Italian gondolier. This is literally just a tiny toy. Needless to say, the Italian businessmen were not impressed and I looked like a damn fool. We lost the pizza pie account and will have to lay off half our factory.
Did you know that you only use 10% of your brain? You may have heard that before. But what if you could use 100%? YOU CAN!
Time to applaud the man who applauds in a loop until the end of time.
Zack Parsons, Steve "Malak" Sumner, and friends tackle bizarre role playing game products that make them wonder, "What the fuck!?" From the early days of Gygax to contemporary role playing games, none will be spared.