Steve: I can't find a single thing wrong with this one.
Zack: As long as you bring plenty of wood to keep that giant plume of smoke going nobody will ever be able to track you.
Steve: All you need to fool the ranger is the sweeper part, the rest of it is just to mess with the ranger's head.
Zack: "Hmmmm...it seems like an owlbear is walking backwards, but when I follow the tracks they stop right at the guys I am looking for, which is confusing to me."
Steve: The next time I make a ranger character I am picking douchebag track-hiding machines as my favored enemy.
Zack: "Alright, Carlos, stop pulling. I want to change out the Storm Giant feet for the Crabman feet. Give me about two hours to change them out. Why don't you stomp over there and cut us some wood so we can continue to conceal ourselves from the ranger."
Steve: We could cross this river or we could start pulling around this giant steam-powered foot-stomping machine.
Zack: But we definitely can't do both, because no way are we getting this thing across the river.
2 PM: Steven J. accidentally drops his vintage Trapper Keeper, revealing erotic drawings of the ‘bunny girls’ emoji. The room draws silent. Slowly, member after member opens his/her notebooks and tablets, revealing dozens of pages of bunny girl emoji fanart. The room votes 12-0 never to speak of this again.
He was ripped off for True Detective, now Thomas Ligotti is being asked to review Pizza Hut's new Hotdog Pizza Bites.
Zack Parsons, Steve "Malak" Sumner, and friends tackle bizarre role playing game products that make them wonder, "What the fuck!?" From the early days of Gygax to contemporary role playing games, none will be spared.