Steve: I can't find a single thing wrong with this one.
Zack: As long as you bring plenty of wood to keep that giant plume of smoke going nobody will ever be able to track you.
Steve: All you need to fool the ranger is the sweeper part, the rest of it is just to mess with the ranger's head.
Zack: "Hmmmm...it seems like an owlbear is walking backwards, but when I follow the tracks they stop right at the guys I am looking for, which is confusing to me."
Steve: The next time I make a ranger character I am picking douchebag track-hiding machines as my favored enemy.
Zack: "Alright, Carlos, stop pulling. I want to change out the Storm Giant feet for the Crabman feet. Give me about two hours to change them out. Why don't you stomp over there and cut us some wood so we can continue to conceal ourselves from the ranger."
Steve: We could cross this river or we could start pulling around this giant steam-powered foot-stomping machine.
Zack: But we definitely can't do both, because no way are we getting this thing across the river.
"Really, Holmes!" I dropped into my seat, shocked. "You are remarkably tall! What are you, six foot six? Six foot eight?"
As the 19th century diver approaches a giant clam, a flash of brilliant golden light flares from within the shell. I emerge in a swirl of bubbles and do the timeless universal underwater hand signals for the following: ZODIAC KILLER, KKK, BLOOD OF YOUTH
Zack Parsons, Steve "Malak" Sumner, and friends tackle bizarre role playing game products that make them wonder, "What the fuck!?" From the early days of Gygax to contemporary role playing games, none will be spared.