Steve: This is a really adult picture.
Zack: We all have a butt, Steve.
Steve: I saw this show on The Discovery Channel about medical mysteries and there was a guy on there who didn't have a butt.
Zack: He was born without a butt?
Steve: I don't know, I missed the beginning part of the show. I think he might have gotten his butt eaten off by some disease from bad ice cream.
Zack: That'll certainly teach him not to put his butt in ice cream.
Steve: No, he ate the ice cream and it had germs in it that made his butt come off, but now that I think about it I think the show had two parts and the ice cream one was some family that got sick. The butt one I must have just missed what caused it.
Zack: So did he die from standing for too long?
Steve: He could sit down, they had this little cushion for him that he carried with him and he had to have a pipe put in for going to the bathroom.
Zack: So your point is that this one guy who had a butt that fell off might get offended by seeing some of this girl's butt?
Steve: Yeah, only his butt didn't fall off, it just disappeared gradually. Like it eroded from disease.
Zack: I thought you'd like this picture because of the butt.
Steve: I like it a lot! This babe and her butt are hot as heck! I was just surprised how adult it was.
Zack: Very adult.
The treacherous New England Patriots are guilty of deflating their footballs. We must punish them severely in the name of holy retribution. This transgression has been the biggest headline in the United States for an entire week, and it should be the primary concern of all nations.
We have used extensive market research to determine the average consumers of America's favorite rolls of caramel-oozing choco cysts.
Fashion SWAT... the fashion industry is obsessed with impracticality. We know that what designers create was never meant to be worn by the grimy masses, but that doesn't somehow diminish how ridiculous many of these costumes are. Make no mistake, they are costumes, and like a Halloween prize pageant we will turn our discerning gaze on the grievous fashion misfires of Paris, Milan, and New York. We're not pulling any punches, and we're definitely not interested in making any friends. We're Joan Rivers without Melissa Rivers to temper our screeching. We're the Fashion Police in jack boots. We are Fashion SWAT.