Zack:Da Blue China

Dr. Thorpe:Da Essence: acclaimed t-shirt airbrush artist and rest home interior decorator. "Word up, dis be da Essence, straight chillin in the Shining Path Hospice, makin' cash and lookin' fly."

Zack:"Yo, we need more porcelain figurines up in this piece and get me at least five bowls of ribbon candy. Shit's gotta POP!"

Dr. Thorpe:"Yo, you guys are gonna love this shit, I'm working on a customized Lisa "Left Eye" Lopez RIP tea cozy that I'm gonna dedicate to Lisa, Aaliyah, my homegirl Ethel, old George, and all the other angels up there in heaven. Peace, I'll see you on the other side."

Zack:"Straight out to my homies in assisted living and big ups to mah niggas in critical care. This one goes out to Bon-bon Esther, my honey in 43H."

Dr. Thorpe:"I've seen too many of my niggas dying of emphysema and alzheimer's in these streets. We gotta put this shit to rest, because it's breakin' the hood's heart."

Zack:"I'm gonna line up this track like we playin' Bingo. 17 inches on my wheelchair sides / heat stroke at the fair get you golf cart rides."

Dr. Thorpe:"Da Essence will swarm / on any coward in a coroner's uniform."

Zack:"Bob Barker ain't got nothing on our price predictin'/ step to Gladys in the oxygen tent and your grill get kicked in"

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About This Column

Fashion SWAT... the fashion industry is obsessed with impracticality. We know that what designers create was never meant to be worn by the grimy masses, but that doesn't somehow diminish how ridiculous many of these costumes are. Make no mistake, they are costumes, and like a Halloween prize pageant we will turn our discerning gaze on the grievous fashion misfires of Paris, Milan, and New York. We're not pulling any punches, and we're definitely not interested in making any friends. We're Joan Rivers without Melissa Rivers to temper our screeching. We're the Fashion Police in jack boots. We are Fashion SWAT.

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