Zack:This guy looks like he got hit with a shrink ray and is in the process of becoming five inches tall. In thirty seconds he's going to be fighting a tarantula with a toothpick.
Dr. Thorpe:He also looks like he just woke up from a drunken blackout and he hasn't figured out that someone dressed him up like the world's biggest idiot yet, and he's wondering why his buddy is taking his picture. I hope this prank catches on. It's way funnier than drawing mustaches and penises with a sharpie.
Zack:"Aw man, you guys even put the condom on my head! I'm gettin' you good at the next Pink Panthers mixer!"
Dr. Thorpe:Yeah, he looks like he just made a failed attempt at that trick Howie Mandell does where he puts a condom over his head and blows it up with his nose. Sorry buddy, you have to take your hat off, or the condom will pop!
Zack:It's cool that he wears his dog tags from the war against Gaudy Arabia.
Dr. Thorpe:His gigantic watch has a built-in GPS so he never gets lost in the deserts of Spinnastan.
Zack:Many brave men were turned into permanent sissies by that brutal conflict.
Not what I had in mind when I ordered an Italian gondolier. This is literally just a tiny toy. Needless to say, the Italian businessmen were not impressed and I looked like a damn fool. We lost the pizza pie account and will have to lay off half our factory.
Did you know that you only use 10% of your brain? You may have heard that before. But what if you could use 100%? YOU CAN!
Time to applaud the man who applauds in a loop until the end of time.
Fashion SWAT... the fashion industry is obsessed with impracticality. We know that what designers create was never meant to be worn by the grimy masses, but that doesn't somehow diminish how ridiculous many of these costumes are. Make no mistake, they are costumes, and like a Halloween prize pageant we will turn our discerning gaze on the grievous fashion misfires of Paris, Milan, and New York. We're not pulling any punches, and we're definitely not interested in making any friends. We're Joan Rivers without Melissa Rivers to temper our screeching. We're the Fashion Police in jack boots. We are Fashion SWAT.