I couldn't find Ralph Ellison's landmark racial commentary Invisible Man, so here's something by H. G. Wells instead.

Shut the door! I'm an invisible man.The Invisible Man

IThe strange Man's Arrival
XIIThe invisible Man loses his Temper
XVThe Man who was running
XVIIDr. Kemp's Visitor
XVIIIThe invisible Man sleeps
XXVThe Hunting of the invisible Man


"Stuff and nonsense!" said the Invisible Man.

Shut the door! "I'm an invisible man."

"I'm invisible. "I'm invisible. Invisible. Invisible."

Marvel's face was astonishment.

An invisible man is a man of power." The door opened suddenly.


"What window?" asked Mrs. Hall.

"Invisible Man," said Cuss, and rushed on to the window. "An Invisible Man!" said Mr. Marvel. There ain't no Invisible Man whatsoever-Blimey."


"The Invisible Man is coming! The Invisible Man!"

The 'Visible Man! "The door's shut. Just watch them doors! "There's the yard door and the private door. The yard door-"


"Kemp!" said the Voice.

"I'm an Invisible Man."

"Invisible Man," he said.

"I am an Invisible Man," repeated the Voice.

"Yes," said the Invisible Man.

"Kemp!" cried the Voice. "Kemp! "Lie still, you fool!" bawled the Invisible Man in Kemp's ear.

"I'm an Invisible Man. I really am an Invisible Man. "Griffin?" said Kemp.

Kemp thought. "It's horrible!" said Kemp. Kemp, you are a man. "Food?" said Kemp.

"Trust me," said the Invisible Man.

Kemp got up. You fair men don't. The Invisible Man was silent for a space. The Invisible Man appeared to be regarding Kemp. Kemp started.

I'm invisible. I'm invisible. Invisible. Invisible.THE INVISIBLE MAN SLEEPS

"Good-night," said Kemp, and shook an invisible hand. Kemp's face changed a little. Kemp read it swiftly.

"Wrapped up!" said Kemp. Windows smashed. The Invisible Man awoke even as Kemp was doing this. "What's the matter?" asked Kemp, when the Invisible Man admitted him.

The Invisible Man swore.

"Phew!" said Kemp. "Great Heavens!" cried Kemp. The Invisible Man rose and began pacing the little study. "How?" asked Kemp.

"You fired the house!" exclaimed Kemp.

The Invisible Man paused and thought. "Art pots," suggested Kemp.

The Invisible Man stood up sharply. Kemp's face grew a trifle hard. "No," said Kemp. "Cur!" said the Invisible Man.

"No," said the Invisible Man, and thought.

Kemp hesitated. Kemp's hand went to his moustache. The Invisible Man interrupted-arm extended. "Nonsense," said Kemp.

The Invisible Man started and stood still. Kemp flung the door open.

With a quick movement Kemp thrust the Invisible Man back, sprang aside, and slammed the door. Kemp's face became white.


"Dogs," said Kemp. "Powdered glass," said Kemp.


I am Invisible Man the First. "What!" exclaimed Kemp.

Kemp swore.

Adye followed Kemp's profanity.

Kemp's hand went to his pocket. Give a man a chance."

Kemp watched him-puzzled. "The Invisible Man!" said Kemp. "Adye," said Kemp.

"I want that man Kemp."

Doctor Kemp-sir."

"Shut the doors, shut the windows, shut everything!-the Invisible Man is coming!" "Cover his face!" said a man.

More Features / Articles

This Week on Something Awful...

  • Get In The God Dang Weight Room, Johnny Manziel!

    Get In The God Dang Weight Room, Johnny Manziel!

    Simply put, if I had Johnny Manziel’s physical gifts, you better believe I would be there in the Weight Room, getting to bed early, doing whatever I had to do to be the best possible athlete I could be. I wouldn't be posting on social media about sucking titties. I wouldn't even look at a titty, buddy. I'd look at a titty and see two big footballs.

  • Helping Your Real Friends Move

    Helping Your Real Friends Move

    A real friend doesn't move until the middle of August, ensuring temperatures in the 90s and a humidity that turns boxers into moist balls of ruined cotton.

Copyright ©2014 Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka & Something Awful LLC.