YOU COULDNT EVEN MAKE IT IF 40PEOPLE WISH YOU GOOD LUCK MAN

That's probably 39 more people than will ever wish you good luck, unless of course you're trying to be the first man to attempt to drink an entire barrel of rat poison in one sitting.

I'M FLYIN TO THE TOP AND I AINT GOT NO WINGS LIKE A DUCK MAN

The top of what? You already said you're at the top of the world (the North Pole), where are you going to go now?

IT AINT FUN BOY, BLAZE 2 TIMES HOTTER THEN THE SUN BOY

Oh, I understand now, you're under the mistaken impression that ducks have interplanetary flight capabilities. Silly Blaze, ducks can't fly to the sun! They surely can't carry enough food to sustain their long trip there. Plus I heard its cold in space, and ducks don't like that kind of weather (I think).

AND I MSTA BEEN DECIEVED WHEN I SEEN YOU WITH MY DUN BOY

I cannot figure out what that sentence means. Who's your "Dun Boy"? Is he like "Fallout Boy"? "Gee Gillikers, Radioactive Man, there's some interplanetary ducks trying to attack the homosexual gangster fish at the local gay club! Let's slice and dice them!"

UH UH BOY, GRAB YOU IN MY ARMS MAKE YOU WELL DONE BOY

Oh no! Blaze is a cannibal! HEAD FOR THE HILLS, HE'S HUNGRY AND IS A DICER AND SLICER!

AND HUNG BOY, WIT YOUR OWN NECKTIE ABOVE YOUR RUG BOY

Yes, I am "physically well endowed", thank you for asking, but I don't know what this has to do with wearing business attire in my living room.

FUCK WITH THE HOTTEST THING ON EARTH YA GONNA GET YA BELL RUNG BOY

..."a pirate says 'ahoy'", "I drink Sauce of Soy"... okay, that last one kind of sucked, but you get the point. Wait, maybe you don't.

I'M A RAPPER JACK, SEND YOU TO THE CRAPPER

"Rapper Jack"? That's my favorite type of cheese! I get it all the time at the local Krogers, but you're right, it does give me the runs.

YOU FEEL HUNGRY FOR SOMETHIN WLL GRAB A HAND FULLA CRACKER JACK

I'll settle for some Rapper Jack cheese, thank you.

AND THE WHOLE FUCKIN BOX MAN, YOU'LL NEVER GET NO PROPS MAN

Box Man? Is he a superhero like Radioactive Man? "Look out, Box Man, they've got MASKING TAPE!"

PULL OUT MY GLOCK N I COCK IT IT GO BLOCKA BLOCK MAN

Pull out my bear, Fozzie goes "wokka wokka" man. You're about as hip as him too, although Fozzie had that great hat.

Keep up the great work, Blaze, and don't stop just because your mom, friends, family, and Police all demand you too. You've got a gift, man, and you should keep rapping until you discover what exactly it is.

– Dr. Fred Malalavich

More Features / Articles

This Week on Something Awful...

  • Meditations from a Movable Weiner

    Meditations from a Movable Weiner

    Sometimes I dream that I'm sitting in the back of the defunct Weinermobile as it careens driverless down the highway. At first I thought this was symbolic of the powerlessness I feel in life, but then I realized it's actually the Weinermobile's dream of being able to drive again.

  • BarkWire.com Dog Reviews: The Barquis de Sade & Cleaver

    BarkWire.com Dog Reviews: The Barquis de Sade & Cleaver

    Three years ago, when we were burying my uncle, Cleaver and some gross lady dog (Solstice???) showed up at the cemetery and starting going at it really loudly. It ruined everything and we had to have a "re-do" the next day and it cost a fortune. I've hated him ever since for that.

Copyright ©2014 Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka & Something Awful LLC.