Big deals were being made aboard the OneSoul Bus, where every soul is just a point on a spectrum with infinite gradients that mostly corresponded to topless, overweight white women with dreadlocks. Saudi firm Trident Investments snapped up Spoogr (pronounced like "booger"), a new video game console targeted at heiresses that will cost $699 and play the demo versions of Android phone games.
Spoogr is the brainchild of Vyktorea Rothschild, a computer program that procedurally designs baffling status symbols for twenty-something Silicon Valley new money. Vyktorea generated one of last year's hottest properties, SPLUkk, an app for tracking the patterns of homeless people using public information to create "beggar avoidance algorithms."
Ferguson's long arm of the law laments the latest cutback.
Simply put, if I had Johnny Manziel’s physical gifts, you better believe I would be there in the Weight Room, getting to bed early, doing whatever I had to do to be the best possible athlete I could be. I wouldn't be posting on social media about sucking titties. I wouldn't even look at a titty, buddy. I'd look at a titty and see two big footballs.
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