This article is part of the YouTube Tour series.
SH: This is pretty sick because i always wondered what it sound like if Slug rapped over video-game music about shit i'd be embarrassed to talk about in public.
SH: oh wait a second!
DFH: Rap about what you know. Unfortunately, all they seem to know is "pretend shit."
SH: Dude, i don't know if you know but this adheres very closely to the HipHop concept of "keepin it real." For some people "real" is anime and video games.
SH: Anyway this group sounds like three Bubba Sparxxx crowded around in a rumpus room. You can hear the fat in his voice.
DFH: It's like someone cornered Busta Rhymes and asked him to please stop having fun.
SH: When these guys left the studio, the vocal booth smelled like crotch sweat for like six weeks.
DFH: I wonder what motivated Quartz Relic to think this was a good career move. Wait a second, YT Cracker, Quartz Relic ... Do all of these guys reference the fact that they're white in their names?
SH: hahah also i think it's worth taking a little break here to mention that the guy doing the spoken intro at the beginning and the end is a perfect example of when white rappers try to 'black it up' just a tiny bit but maintain plausible deniability by keeping it real low-key. There's just a tiny bit of a twang and a little bit of slangifyin' but just a small enough amount that if you challenged him about it he could say he "just grew up in a real multicultural area."
DFH: (mostly Asian)
SH: In real life he sounds like Kenneth from 30 Rock
SH: wait man these guys have a song called "Gangster Gamers" and you sent me THIS one?
DFH: I was sent this one.
SH: Oh I see, this is the track that is going to convince you of the validity of Nintendo-Rap-As-Artistic-Expression.
SH: Just noticed their album is called "8-bit Diagrams" too, why do these guys never have any cultural touchstones to reference that aren't Wu-Tang or NWA?
DFH: Uh, because that's when good hip-hop DIED, duh.
SH: Oh yeah, i forgot. Oh well, at least it's not bitches, blunts, and bling! That's gonna be my response to all of these videos because it's literally the only positive thing anybody can ever think of to say about it. "Well, it's a mindless celebration of brainless consumer culture and self-identification based on purchases and passive consumption of entertainment products, but at least it's not bitches, blunts, and bling!"
DFH: In the submitter's own words, actually:
"What is interesting though, is that rapping about gold, guns, diamonds & bitches holds more validity then rapping about video games, technology, comics etc. Why is there no room for a suburban nerdy kid to be creative about his passion for "pawning noobs"? Isn't that more legitimate then rapping about hypothetical crime, money & sex?"
SH: I pawned some noobs last week. Got like thirty bucks at the corner store for this kid wearing an XBOX 360 beanie.
DFH: At no point in history has anything having to do with video games ever held more validity than crime, money, or sex.
SH: Get in where you fit in, I guess. There are probably not too many subcultures you can aspire to enter when you spend your free time writing angry letters to Internet comedy websites vehemently defending the honor of guys who call themselves shit like "YT Cracker" and "8-Bit Bill."
The first phase of The Olive Garden's cyber rollout will introduce their Neverending Pneumatic Pasta Tube. This works on the same principal as bank drive-thru deposit tubes, but with unfrozen linguini and spaghetti.
Do you remember the crazy clothes and hair of the 1990s? Do you remember Crystal Pepsi and Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles? Do you remember where you hid the box your mother gave you?
It's still okay to like Ben Stiller, guys.
Here are some cool music things, maybe u should check them out. And/or here are some terrible music things, maybe u should check them out if u like to laugh or maybe u should avoid them if u get really angry when u see something stupid.
Daryl 'Fucking' Hall and Satellite High riff on the worst music YouTube has to offer. Amateur covers, nerdcore rap, dadrock -- it's all here! Take a free ride!