Two Worlds posted:
Who's the bigger loser, a 24 year old virgin who's waiting for the right girl and a good relationship, or a guy that's a big enough man-whore that he'll have sex with any girl who'll spread her legs fast enough?
Sorry I couldn't post earlier, I was kinda busy waiting for 5 hours in a bus station, then once I got home I slept from 7am til 3. Anyway, thanks for the best frickin time of my life guys. Everyone who was with me there at Big Daddy's, I owe my life to you. My first strip club experience was the best one I could have asked for. I was totally in a comfortable and safe atmosphere with friends I knew. I came to Gooncon with the express intention of having an adventure like seeing some boobs or going to a strip club, and that's exactly what happened. When I registered for Gooncon I put down my motto as "Destiny is what you choose it to be" and it's amazing how that motto has come true. Thanks for a great time, guys. I mean it.
By the way, I would like to clarify some things about the little-known events of Sunday night. I went out alone, since no one would go with me, and I figured I would head on down to Big Daddy's again and see if I could get a few more dances. Some kind of 40 year old crackwhore approached me and started laying it on heavy with me, seeing if she couldn't con a visit to the VIP room out of me. I said that I had to go to an ATM to withdraw some money, and asked her to wait. Then I got out of there and swiftly ran away from there as fast as I could. I wondered around til I got to the side of Bourbon on the other side of St. Louis St, and went to a club called Temptations.
As soon as I sat down Crackwhore #2 sat down by me and started fondling me, which was strange seeing as the rest of the strippers couldn't touch you. Long story short, she heavily pressured me to go with her to the VIP room, then finally just pulled me by the hand over there. Yes, I did hand over my debit card, but there really isn't any way in that sort of situation that wouldn't get you forcibly kicked out of that club if you don't pay up. As I later found out, my bank was smart about it and froze my account when they saw a $200 charge to a place called "Daquiri Delights". Thank you, Bank of America, for calling me on my f*cktardedness. I had to make several phone calls, but as of now everything's all worked out, and I have a heck of a story to tell my Christian friends.
Cliff Notes version: Don't go to a strip club by yourself. They WILL screw you over for every penny you have. BTW, if anyone has any stealthy cameraphone pictures that they took of Big Daddy's it'd be cool if you posted them or PMed them to me. I plan to bronze them and frame them.
etard knievel posted:
I identify with Sephiroth from Kingdom Hearts because he is quiet, has trouble talking too girls, and he hates his mother who is an evil bitch and he has strong internal magical power. He does not take any shit from anyone because he is a super badass. He is also a dark warrior. I don't think they have Aspergers Syndrome on spira but if they did I bet he would be diagnosed with Aspergers syndrome because he shares many of the traits, for example, he is very introspective, detail oriented, intelligent, and he stabs people with a sword.
One time that expresses my Sephirothity is when this kid called me a douche and I gave an evil laugh and told him that when the Reunion came he would be first to get burned by the flames of justice. Then i glared at him and my hair fell over my eyes so i couldn't see what he did but i think he was really scared because he kept making these yelping noises.
This thread really hits close to home for me because I do not believe this is mere coincidence, but all signs point to the reality that I am actually one of the Sephiroth clones. If you never played Kingdom Hearts 2, there is a part where all of the Sephiroth clones meet together at the Tree of Mana to sing the Song of Time which summons Deus to Gaia and you fight him and find out that he is actually Locke's father .
So there are a whole bunch of Citan clones, called 'The Organization' who you don't know exactly who they are because they wear black cloaks all the time. Sure, this all takes place in a video game created by Square-Eidos (a.k.a. video game gods) but the ancient philosopher Plato once wrote that all video games are based on a reality that we cannot experience, and by that logic it makes perfect sense. This is the most compelling reason: I have had this song that I sang my whole life that I thought I made up and then twenty years later I realised it was the Song of Spirits.
It sent a chill down my spine and at that moment I realised that I am actually Tidus Highwind Leonhart Tingle XVII, aka #14 the 14th clone of Zelgadis (the one who has the most hidden powers and he was so powerful that they had to wipe his memory and send him to live with a middle class family who are not actually my parents, just captors who were told to be as mean as possible in order to suppress my powers)
I am sorry I wrote so much, it is just really hard to stay silent about a topic that is so close to my heart. I think me and the OP are kindred spirits, perhaps you too are a reincarnation of Link.
The first phase of The Olive Garden's cyber rollout will introduce their Neverending Pneumatic Pasta Tube. This works on the same principal as bank drive-thru deposit tubes, but with unfrozen linguini and spaghetti.
Do you remember the crazy clothes and hair of the 1990s? Do you remember Crystal Pepsi and Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles? Do you remember where you hid the box your mother gave you?
It's still okay to like Ben Stiller, guys.
The Something Awful Forums are, by far, the greatest and most entertaining community on the internet. From the Comedy Goldmine to Photoshop Phriday, our forums are pretty much the lone island refusing to be engulfed by the sea of stupidity that is the internet. While sections like the Comedy Goldmine and Photoshop Phriday showcase the intentionally hilarious forum creations, we've failed to reveal the coin's flip side. The Great Goon Database is a depository of unintentionally amusing Something Awful Forum quotes demonstrating the darker side of SA. Special thanks to Goon "LittleJoe" for collecting and sorting these gems.