Taking off the Belt with Tom "Moof" Davies

Livestock: tom it occurred to me
Livestock: there used to be little belts and buckles on hats
Livestock: and boots
Livestock: since those have gone out of style, the belt industry has really taken a blow
Livestock: i bet they lost like 50% of their profits when that happened
Moof: josh those hats have NOT gone out of style
Livestock: excuse me????
Moof: josh i wear them all the time
Moof: josh i start all my sentences to you with "josh"
Moof: just in case you are not sure who i am speaking to
Livestock: tom - thank you
Moof: you are welcome

Sitting Pretty in the Catbird Seat with Tom "Moof" Davies

Moof: josh i think we should name our first book of chatlogs "sitting pretty in the catbird seat"
Moof: look at you there
Moof: sitting pretty
Moof: up in the catbird seat
Livestock: tom i wasn't aware we had a book deal
Livestock: how much of a cut am i getting
Moof: you're looking at 20% good buddy
Moof: not bad at all
Livestock: what is your cut
Moof: let's not worry about that
Livestock: no tom i am worrying
Moof: what are you going to do with your 20% josh
Livestock: i am worrying a lot
Moof: josh 20% is a lot
Livestock: i haven't slept since you told me my cut
Livestock: haven't slept a minute
Moof: my god really
Livestock: not a single minute
Livestock: because i am worrying
Livestock: tom so let's get this out on the table
Livestock: in the open air
Livestock: the outdoor table
Livestock: the picnic table
Livestock: let's lay all the cards out on the picnic table
Moof: okay josh
Moof: let's just say that my cut is 80%
Moof: what if we said that
Livestock: tom if we said that i would be angry
Moof: okay then let's not
Moof: let's forget about my cut
Livestock: because, as you know, my cut should be greater than fifty percent
Moof: let's focus on your 20%
Moof: it's a real whopper
Moof: a whopping 20%
Moof: wow! look at all those percents!
Moof: that is what i said
Moof: when i first saw your cut
Livestock: tom i'm not eating a whopper, not even at the picnic table
Livestock: tom you are a common shark
Livestock: i refuse to participate in this book so all my chats will have to be removed
Livestock: all of it
Moof: i will replace you with a lovable ruffian named james brogluff
Livestock: ARGH
Moof: james "lovestock" brogluff
Livestock: this is BETRAYAL
Moof: he will only get 10%
Moof: i will get 90%
Moof: so this is a good deal for me
Moof: plus "sitting pretty in the catbird seat" will probably sell better without you in it
Moof: no offense
Livestock: tom i will publish my own book
Livestock: of chatlogs
Moof: what is my cut
Livestock: tom you will get a papercut
Livestock: because all the edges will be sharpened prior to distribution
Moof: noooooo
Livestock: the book will be considerably more edgy
Livestock: than yours
Livestock: we shall settle this on the bookshelf just as authors of old did so long ago
Moof: ah, a dual atop a bookshelf
Moof: accepted
Moof: what will it be called
Livestock: The Wit & Wisdom of Joshua Boruff, et al
Moof: well at least there will not be very many pages for myself to get a papercut on
Moof: more like a pamphlet than a book i suppose
Moof: lots of illustrations
Moof: no real content
Livestock: tom my book will contain a slice of honey baked ham in the middle
Moof: josh it seems you have bested me
Livestock: no reader can resist the deadly allure of honey baked ham
Moof: i cannot compete with that
Livestock: thank you
Livestock: thank you for warming the catbird seat up for me
Moof: josh i will leave the catbird seat
Moof: for now

– Josh "Livestock" Boruff (@Livestock)

More Mooflogs

This Week on Something Awful...

  • We Are Ready to Announce That Grimace is Human

    We Are Ready to Announce That Grimace is Human

    It's true. Grimace is human. God help us, we did our best for him.

  • Lair Flair!

    Lair Flair!

    Your lair. Maybe you lure victims to it, maybe you hide in it between killings, or maybe you haunt it 24/7 because you’re tragically confined by a curse. Whatever the situation, for most of us monsters, a living/un-living space is an important part of our identities. In this column, Monstergeddon award winners share their lair tips and techniques!

Copyright ©2014 Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka & Something Awful LLC.