Integrating New Workforce Management Techniques
By Lrurgr Janus
Many you remember four year ago Jolg Rurgowicz from Fur Creature Catching Solutions introduce Hole. Very powerful innovation in caveman business circle. In two month everyone use Hole.
Then year later Hrukk Tsing introduce Big Leaf Cover Hole. Everyone very reluctant to change Hole because new idea complicated. They see and say "where Hole go when not see? How me know where put Hole? How me know product working?" Even Jolg Rurgowicz say Hole you see better than hole you not see.
Fast forward today and everyone use Big Leaf Cover Hole. Early adopters of product claim period immediately after use Big Leaf Cover Hole see 27 percent jump in fur creature to eat and make clothes.
What this have do with workforce management technique? Everything!
Recognizing emerging trend in workforce management essential to continuous growth model business. Me help you with trend. Me got four to give you.
TREND NUMBER ONE DO NOT STAB EMPLOYEE IN FACE WITH SPEAR: Employee lack discipline so you stab in face with spear. This old model. New and dynamic model you beat in face with side of spear. Turn out this hurt almost as bad and employee not die. This catching on all over Japan.
TREND NUMBER TWO HAVE EMPLOYEE LAY DOWN WHEN TIRED: Everyone stand all time when tired. Some sit when not a lot of giant animals around. Tell them lay down to increase efficiency. This new position where on NO legs. On back of body or front of body. Side laying can be done by expert too.
TREND NUMBER THREE DRINK WATER INSTEAD OF BLOOD: Turn out blood good but too much make caveman sick. Sick cavemen mean lower productivity. Lower productivity mean lost profits. So when someone ask you what giant cat blood taste like you tell them lost profit and then drink water. Also try not drink water where you just went bathroom.
TREND NUMBER FOUR ADAPTIVE COMMUNICATION INFRASTRUCTURE BROADEN MINDSHARE: What this mean? You know broadband, well think broadband on all communication. Use ten tier pyramid method to reach consumer on all levels. Your product is valuable and if not valuable then why sell? Convince consumer this. Say "not having product in this day and age is like fight biggest dinosaur without stick". This work hand in hand with branding. Good branding increase mindshare. Put logo everywhere. Insinuate brand into all aspect of life of employee. They are billboard for you product.
These four big trend you should follow in coming year. Me already implement into business and see huge surge in productivity. Try out or not, me no care.
Innovation in Medical Field Mean Growth Sector
By Sara Forg, Founder Biomedical Chewed Up Plant Spit on Wound Diversified
Ever been bite by mean green stick? Leg get all big and red and sometime fall off and even make caveman die. How about have family member who one day have sores all over body and then turn black and stop talking? Who hasn't had that happen least once.
But new change happen in medical field and it become growth sector. No more is medical field just for bite from teeth of monster. You can do more then chew up leaf and spit on wound. Let me tell you about old versus new, then you decide if medical field new growth sector.
Flying Monster Pick Up and Drop From High and Can't Move Leg or Arm
Old Method: Caveman die.
New Method: Put caveman by fire and he stay warm and not die and he attract giant insect instead of you and he scream to alert everyone.
Drink Too Much Blood
Old Method: Throw up blood.
New Method: Eat big rock, hold blood down.
Kiss By Ugly Woman Make Eye Fall Out
Old Method: Eye fall out and maybe put back in but not work right anymore.
New Method: Cover eye with leaf and no one notice.
Fire Leap Out and Dance on Body
Old Method: Run in circle scream while burn with fire until caveman die.
New Method: Jump in lake.
Friend Put Hole in Chest on Accident
Old Method: Bury in dirt until caveman dead.
New Method: Put dirt in hole in chest maybe guts not come out.
Me think is growth sector. Every caveman want live forever so high demand for medicine. New technique and innovation mean new revenue stream. New revenue stream mean new growth and need for new employee.
Trust me medical field growth sector.
TrendMax hope you enjoy convention. It very good and with help from caveman like you it be best convention of all time. Remember TrendMax promise: "No giant flying monsters will attack you and eat head during convention. We have roof again!" Roof what make us best convention!
Transgressive author Chuck Palahniuk is here to help with tips and tricks to hacking your life.
Not what I had in mind when I ordered an Italian gondolier. This is literally just a tiny toy. Needless to say, the Italian businessmen were not impressed and I looked like a damn fool. We lost the pizza pie account and will have to lay off half our factory.
Time to applaud the man who applauds in a loop until the end of time.
Something Awful Guides can help you, the Internet reader, make the most out of your life and just might possibly end up getting you incapacitated or killed!