The Signs of Safety: Various Other Unimportant Signs
Littering our roads like, uh, a whole bunch of litter, are an assortment of various other stupid signs which mean little to nothing. The only reason these signs have been erected is to give the National Department of Fucking Up Traffic something to do besides spewing thousands of plastic orange cones onto every road they pass. I think they also have something to do with those pesky unmarked black helicopters which buzz by my apartment at night, trying to steal my thoughts. Anyway, here's a brief overview of all those "other signs" you will encounter on the road:
Green light: Go.
Yellow light: Go really fast because it's about to turn red.
Red light: Go really really fast because it either just turned red or it's about to turn green.
No functional purpose. Solely for decoration.
Speed limit signs:
You may safely go up to 60 miles an hour.
You may safely go up to 100 miles and hour.
Speed limit is somwhere around the speed of light.
Indication you're probably going the wrong way:
You might want to turn around at this point.
Sign you've clearly gone the wrong way:
Just give up and take the goddamn bus.
A list of things to avoid whenever you're in Gary or any of the Hoosier State's beautiful and welcoming locations.
You ask how his day went and he responds, "Fine." Or, you ask what he's up to and he says, "Nothing."
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