If the aforementioned female is under attack by anything sporting tentacles, their clothes should explode and send clothing shards all over the place... which will immediately disintegrate.

The Main Character can be shot but not critically wounded. There is no known way to kill the Main Character on your first attempt, as all damage is immediately attracted to his right shoulder which sustains the majority of the blow. Attempting to injure him a second time will probably result in something behind him inadvertently blowing up, causing your untimely demise.

Giant robots must display the coordination and flexibility of a ballerina on muscle relaxers. The only exception is evil robots which are large, slow, clumsy, and terribly destructive.

CONCLUSION

We hope this Guide to Anime has helped you get started on your next feature film about two 16-year old girls with size 66FFF breasts that fight intergalactic thugs (the girls, not the breasts) and search for the Dark Overlordfiend who is responsible for destroying their homeland. Even if it didn't, you can still sleep safe at night knowing that as long as you live in Japan, you can safely release any kind of Anime on tape and American Anime nuts will buy it as long as it costs over $40 to import and none of their "normal" friends (also known as "people who frequently expose themselves to daylight") have seen it. Make sure to include at least three females that have cat / elf ears for no readily apparent reason.

– Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka (@lowtax)

More Guides

This Week on Something Awful...

  • Get In The God Dang Weight Room, Johnny Manziel!

    Get In The God Dang Weight Room, Johnny Manziel!

    Simply put, if I had Johnny Manziel’s physical gifts, you better believe I would be there in the Weight Room, getting to bed early, doing whatever I had to do to be the best possible athlete I could be. I wouldn't be posting on social media about sucking titties. I wouldn't even look at a titty, buddy. I'd look at a titty and see two big footballs.

  • Helping Your Real Friends Move

    Helping Your Real Friends Move

    A real friend doesn't move until the middle of August, ensuring temperatures in the 90s and a humidity that turns boxers into moist balls of ruined cotton.

Copyright ©2014 Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka & Something Awful LLC.