Enough of this silliness. T.J. throws down the kid gloves (onto his gauntlet) and sends me packing with yet ANOTHER threat. Over the internet. About dog sweaters.

From: Macnachtan Arms
Sent: Saturday, January 13, 2007 3:10 PM
To: 'Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka'
Subject: RE: Possible slander at your website

This...as well as all the others...will be added to the report that I am currently filling out and sending to your web hoster, the FTC, and the better business bureau.

Thanks again!

This will be the last you hear from me. Im done.

Oh my lord... my web hoster... the FTC... the Better Business Bureau... I was a dead man. T.J. had my number (67256) and was unleashing digital justice all over my retarded face. A weaker man would've cried himself to sleep. Not me though. I have insomnia!

From: Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka
Sent: Saturday, January 13, 2007 4:03 PM
To: 'Macnachtan Arms'
Subject: RE: Possible slander at your website

Oh my god… my "web hoster" is going to see the "back trace on the email" from you? This is bad news, bad bad bad news I'm afraid. They're undoubtedly going to revoke my license to email.

So, just to be clear, I want to make a little checklist of all the things you're planning on doing this upcoming Monday, so I may better prepare my phalanx of lawyers (when Leonard Crabs drinks a lot, he likes to form a legal phalanx formation with himself and his seventeen brothers, all of whom wield beach umbrellas):

STEP 1 - Sue my website for slander.
STEP 2 - Contact (somebody) about (something) regarding "the poster of that article runs an adult oriented site." That claim of yours is a little vague, but I can only assume you threat involves suing me for something.
STEP 3 - Sue me for harassment because I replied to your email talking about stealing your hay.
STEP 4 - Get me arrested under "federal law" because I added fuel to your fire (the "SEXY EMAIL").
STEP 5 - Invoke the Patriot Act to imprison somebody for making fun of a woman who dresses weiner dogs in sweaters.
STEP 6 - Call my "web hoster" and complain about my choice of email font size or color or something.
STEP 7 - File a report with the FTC, possibly pointing out the fact that I am currently not wearing any pants, and this is inappropriate for minors.
STEP 8 - Contact the Better Business Bureau and convince them to make me a member of their organization, so then you will be able to persuade them to kick me out of their organization.

Boy what a busy day you have ahead of you! Better start crackin' on them reports and files right now, Internet Private Investigator T.J. You're going to have a very long day of lawsuits, paperwork, phone calls, faxes, and meetings with police officers in your noble, wonderful quest to avenge the honor of Crazy Sweater Dog Ladies all across the globe. I can imagine a utopian society of your dreams, one where folks who insult crazy sweater dog ladies are imprisoned and beheaded under the Patriot Act, or possibly the DMCA. Man, the Congressional hearings would be totally awesome.

"Have you, or any members of your family, ever insulted a crazy woman who makes her weiner dogs wear sweaters?"

Keep fighting the good fight! Also have a bitchin' summer.

- Rich

Well surely T.J. won't reply to me after this email. I mean, the guy has said about 10,000 times that he's blocking me and sending my emails to the police and resurrecting an ancient army of the undead just to delete my replies, so why on Earth would he

From: Macnachtan Arms
Sent: Saturday, January 13, 2007 4:16 PM
To: 'Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka'
Subject: RE: Possible slander at your website

I think you are reading into my emails what you only want to read. I never once said anything about sueing. I just said that I am going to report you.

So leave me alone Shitter. You're a waste of oxygen. I am not going to block you so I don't have to put up with your emails anymore. I know in the last email I said I would no longer respond. But what you wrote back to me just now is so wrong that I just couldn't help myself. I think you need to go back and read each and every email. I never ONCE said I was going to sue you. Not ONCE! Why would Rhonda waste her time sueing you?

You not worth it. You're an internet Troll, a teenager, just like someone suggested that I showed your emails too.

You will be blocked after I send this one.

Oh. Nevermind. I guess I had one email left.

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Many people love to threaten to sue us. Luckily we have both Leonard "J." Crabs and common sense on our side, thus enabling us to easily defeat such trivialities. Remember - when you're on the Internet, you can threaten to sue for anything!

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