You"Are you okay?" She asks. Your eyes shoot open and you lean forward so your noses are a mere inch or two apart.
"Yes, I'm fine." You say. After a whole lifetime of sitting in the background watching Claire talk to others, you feel like now is finally your time. "I was just meditating. You know, like they do in Nippon." Then without a second of pause you continue. "So, Claire, what are you doing tonight?" You say tonight in a low growl trying to sound suave and mask any chance of your voice cracking.
"Umm, the mall. Remember? I told you that already."
"Oh yeah." You say, looking forward out the windshield. In the rearview mirror you see your sister looking back at you. Forget her, you think.
"What about you?" Clair asks, "What are you doing tonight?"
"Paladin. Level 80." You repeat.
"Oh, okay, what?"
"I heal people. It isn't as flashy as some of the other classes, but someone has to do the hard work." You say, lifting your arm up and placing it around her neck, "if it weren't for people like me, no one would be able to win. I'm pretty important."
As soon as you finish stating your ability, the car comes to a screeching stop. Your sister tells you to get out. You try to say that Claire likes having you there, but she is shaking her head no. Well, it doesn't matter. You need a soda, and they are taking you. Your sister tells you to shut the hell up, then grabs you by your hair and yanks it towards the door. In pain, you break down, and with tears welling in your eyes, you open the door and get out.
"I love you." You say as the door closes, but you doubt they hear you over the laughter. Goodbye, Claire.
Your lair. Maybe you lure victims to it, maybe you hide in it between killings, or maybe you haunt it 24/7 because you’re tragically confined by a curse. Whatever the situation, for most of us monsters, a living/un-living space is an important part of our identities. In this column, Monstergeddon award winners share their lair tips and techniques!
Works great on my child, who hasn't barked at all for as long as she's worn the apparatus. When she turns three, we will remove it for a trial period.
The famed gonzo otaku journalist writes about the death of gaming culture in 2014.
Try not to break your console while I try not to break my cyber brain.
The Something Awful front page news tackles anything both off and on the Internet. Mostly "on" though, as we're all incredible nerds.