Take your rage out on thisMom is sitting in front of the television when you find her. You ask if she can give you a ride to the store so you can buy a replacement for the soda your sister drank. She frowns, shakes her head, and tells you that your sister is taking the car to the mall. Shocked, you run to the window and look outside. In the distance you see your sister peel out. Blast! You grab a ceramic statue from the shelf beside and window and throw it against the ground in a rage.
As the shards of ceramics scatter across the carpet, your mother screams for you to go to your room. Who does she think she is? You're 24 years old. If you want to break a ceramic figurine because you don't have soda for a game, you will, and you aren't going to get grounded. On the other hand, she does take you to the game store whenever you ask, so maybe you should listen.
The treacherous New England Patriots are guilty of deflating their footballs. We must punish them severely in the name of holy retribution. This transgression has been the biggest headline in the United States for an entire week, and it should be the primary concern of all nations.
We have used extensive market research to determine the average consumers of America's favorite rolls of caramel-oozing choco cysts.
The Something Awful front page news tackles anything both off and on the Internet. Mostly "on" though, as we're all incredible nerds.