He gets closer and you can see the numbers on his clothes. Who knows what he was in jail for and who knows how he got out. Either way you hope he can help you. You can see his bare feet slide through the grass. You wave at him and he waves back. Doesn't seem so bad you think. At about 20 feet away you notice that the tattoo covering his face isn't a skull or a swastika, but actually the characters from the cartoon Dexter's Laboratory.

"Stranded buddy?" He says in a friendly tone
"Well, I can't help ya, but I can keep you company for a little while."

The two of you talk for over an hour, he only wants to discuss cartoons. You try to show off your Naruto t-shirt but he doesn't stop talking about Samurai Jack. Eventually, you mention how you really like anime, but he interrupts you.

"Wait, you actually like that shit? I thought you were just kidd'n or somethin. Ugh."

He then pulls out a switchblade and cuts off your head. Well, you aren't sure if he actually cut off your head because you were dead before he had time to finish.


Start Over

More Front Page News

This Week on Something Awful...

  • The Fandangling Fables of Groggery Gibbonman

    The Fandangling Fables of Groggery Gibbonman

    'We’re going to be in trouble!' Little Sister wailed, clutching her favorite book to her chest and sobbing. 'This isn’t fun like a story anymore!' But Big Sister was not listening, she was thinking. She grabbed Little Sister’s book from her and ran into town, yelling 'Help! A book made me and my sister hurt someone!'

  • Enter: the Lead Loremaster

    Enter: the Lead Loremaster

    I've been wanting to meet you all for the past few weeks, but I guess I cut an intimidating figure. I'm the new guy, with the cool job you've all surely been gossiping about. Yep, I'm the Lead Loremaster, and I'm here to enrich everything we do with much-needed lore.

Copyright ©2014 Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka & Something Awful LLC.