You wake up on a yellow and blue plaid couch. A red stain is beside your head. You feel grossed out until you realize it's your blood, then you feel bad for making the rat-nasty couch worse. You put your hand down your pants, both front and back. It looks like your genitalia made it out safe. You look around the small room but find nothing for your eyes to lock onto. No art, no pictures, nothing. Just one big ass television sitting on an empty table. Suddenly, you realize that you are wearing the man's orange shirt. You can hear a radio in another room playing some Black Sabbath song. You're surprised that you can't remember what song it is, so you decide to find out.
You end up at a closed door. You can hear a shower running and steam is being spewed above the door. You knock, but no one answers. You stand still for a minute. It is apparent that you forgot to take your medication this morning as you start pacing back and forth from impatience.
Tucker Carlson's idiot brother just called New York mayor Bill de Blasio's spokeswoman a "LabiaFace."
Hey, have you guys ever seen a picture of a cat before? Well, guess what. It’s your lucky day, because I’m mixing the concept of a picture of my cat with the concept of the Internet!
The Something Awful front page news tackles anything both off and on the Internet. Mostly "on" though, as we're all incredible nerds.