You wait for what seems like an eternity. In reality it's about 4 minutes. While you wait you think about your dog papier-mâché collection.
Pretty impressive huh? Well, you need to fix that dachshund up a bit. Either way you decide that waiting is stupid and open the door.
Welcome to Gamer Hell, where those who committed sins in online games must pay for their crimes against noobs for eternity.
Russian President Vladimir Putin has sworn to personally investigate the murder of opposition leader Boris Nemtsov. In fact, Putin plans to use his expertise to solve most major crimes.
The Something Awful front page news tackles anything both off and on the Internet. Mostly "on" though, as we're all incredible nerds.