You carefully check the tires, put on your helmet, make sure the handlebars are aligned, and remove the baseball card that made your bike sound like a motorcycle. You'll miss the THYACK-THYACK-THYACK noise, but oh well. You fit two cans of Mountain Dew into the water bottle slot and quickly walk the bike to the curb. You take one last glance at your house before peddling off. A great journey is about to start.
In case you read my profile online and got excited, I wanted to clear up any misunderstandings.
In a Something Awful exclusive, we reveal the true state of Darren Wilson after his harrowing encounter with Michael Brown.
The Something Awful front page news tackles anything both off and on the Internet. Mostly "on" though, as we're all incredible nerds.