You walk into her bedroom and see her passed out on the floor. Looks like she's been drinking again. You move the half-filled bottle of whiskey away from her side and step close. Your heart is beating a mile a minute as you remember last time you tried to take her car you ended up getting four stitches, but you know that it is too late to turn around. You carefully slide your fingers into her jacket pockets, praying that you feel her Winnie the Pooh key chain. Nothing.
Your knee gets wet as you kneel down closer to her. You cannot check to see what it is. The pockets in her jean shorts are bulging with random contents. The trick is knowing which bulge is the keys. You carefully put one finger into your mother's pant pocket before sitting back, allowing yourself to rethink the situation. You finally have a chance to check what your knee came in contact with. Vomit.
The first time "fast", "decisive", and "efficient" could have been used to describe the Minecraft development team was when they snatched the $2.5 billion dollar check out of Microsoft's sweaty, shaking hand.
Paleo guru and definite non-idiot Luke K. clears the air about some of your favorite pumpkin treats this holiday season. Also he weighs in on the controversy surrounding a paleo wedding cake.
No lifeguard on duty. Maze run at your own risk.
The Something Awful front page news tackles anything both off and on the Internet. Mostly "on" though, as we're all incredible nerds.