"Goodbye Nerd Jacobs." You say, gripping his unconscious head. You twist it like Batman, expecting to hear a loud crack. Instead, Nerd Jacobs wakes up and begins flailing around. He tells you to back away, and at first you do, but while he gropes the floor trying to find his glasses, you snap. You lift up his large PC and drop it on his skull.
Once his body stops moving, you grab the paper and walk out of the room.
In case you read my profile online and got excited, I wanted to clear up any misunderstandings.
In a Something Awful exclusive, we reveal the true state of Darren Wilson after his harrowing encounter with Michael Brown.
The Something Awful front page news tackles anything both off and on the Internet. Mostly "on" though, as we're all incredible nerds.