"Goodbye Nerd Jacobs." You say, gripping his unconscious head. You twist it like Batman, expecting to hear a loud crack. Instead, Nerd Jacobs wakes up and begins flailing around. He tells you to back away, and at first you do, but while he gropes the floor trying to find his glasses, you snap. You lift up his large PC and drop it on his skull.
Once his body stops moving, you grab the paper and walk out of the room.
This Week on Something Awful...
Sniper Chris Will Make You Cheer and Then Change the Way You Think of America
That atheist professor should have kept his mouth shut around this American Sniper.
An Urgent Plea to the King of Cartoons
The Cartoon Kingdom is restless. At its heart, a mad tyrant.
Make Sitcoms Worse!
'Sitcoms are so bad that they couldn't GET any worse haha.' 'Whoa buddy you're wrong... dead wrong!'
Pocket Products!
Not pocket-SIZED products, but actual pockets for your socks, underwear. Cover your body in pockets!
Cool things to say when you're opening the door for someone
'Let the building eat you.'
About This Column
The Something Awful front page news tackles anything both off and on the Internet. Mostly "on" though, as we're all incredible nerds.
Previous Articles
- Of Mayonnaise And Modern Rebellion
- Every American Should Own a Gun
- Nobody Messes with S.W.O.R.D.
- Unlike My Opponent: Health Care Edition
- Dan Quinn Queers the Stevia Deal
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