You.You have the paper in your hand, and you walk to the door. As you walk out of the room, you turn around one last time to see Nerd Jacobs. He is gone. The dude is straight up M.I.A. Your heart starts racing. He could be anywhere. You slam the door shut and run to your room. You open the door, only to have Nerd Jacobs already sitting at your desk. Your body freezes with fear. He slowly pulls down his glasses, and without his thick lenses on, you see into his eyes. They begin to glow. You try to turn around, but it is too late. Beams shoot out of his iris and saw you in two. Your severed chest falls to the ground while your legs slump against the wall., then they both burn into a pile ash. Nerd Jacobs smirks, checks your internet history, and then makes your homepage goatse. Owned infinity.

The End

Start Over

More Front Page News

This Week on Something Awful...

  • GLUT OF DOGS

    GLUT OF DOGS

    TOTAL WRECK - crazy-eyed hound is covered in cobwebs, has a vespiary on back, graffiti on side and savage thirst for boat fuel. Frankly, I'm in over my head. He's in room 115 at Motel 6, yours free. 555-2851

  • THE PERFECT HUMAN FORM

    THE PERFECT HUMAN FORM

    Yes, it's the perfect form for surviving a car crash. But it's also the perfect form for so much more, like surviving the trauma of reading any news headline in 2016.

Copyright ©2016 Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka & Something Awful LLC.