You.You have the paper in your hand, and you walk to the door. As you walk out of the room, you turn around one last time to see Nerd Jacobs. He is gone. The dude is straight up M.I.A. Your heart starts racing. He could be anywhere. You slam the door shut and run to your room. You open the door, only to have Nerd Jacobs already sitting at your desk. Your body freezes with fear. He slowly pulls down his glasses, and without his thick lenses on, you see into his eyes. They begin to glow. You try to turn around, but it is too late. Beams shoot out of his iris and saw you in two. Your severed chest falls to the ground while your legs slump against the wall., then they both burn into a pile ash. Nerd Jacobs smirks, checks your internet history, and then makes your homepage goatse. Owned infinity.

The End

Start Over

More Front Page News

This Week on Something Awful...

  • Advanced Level Sexy Catcalls

    Advanced Level Sexy Catcalls

    Hows about you, me, and five uncomfortable minutes in my basement apartment next to the dusty Christmas tree that's still up from my last visit with my estranged children.

  • Zagat's Guide to Poor Person Eating

    Zagat's Guide to Poor Person Eating

    The Upper Kitchen Cabinet Where Your Roommate Keeps His Food: You’ll 'need the footstool' to reach your roommate’s 'fine selection' of 'stale cereal,' but he'll never notice if 'only a little is missing from each box.' Feel less guilty by reminding yourself that Jeff 'acts weird around your girlfriend,' and always 'asks about her.' What a 'creep.'

Copyright ©2015 Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka & Something Awful LLC.