You pull the paper out of her hand and smile. Hell yeah. Work finished. She starts screaming some stupid shit about how you're a dick, but you don't listen. Instead you push her on the ground, and when she tries to stand back up, you push her again. She says she will call the police, so open up the bedroom window and throw her out. Sorority girls kill themselves all the time, you think. The cops will probably think she did it cause she was the fat one in the group. No time to think about it though. You have to turn this sucker in.
Maria Mitchell is shown holding a telescope to each eye, using them to ogle passing hunks on the street below. OOOGA! Her tongue rolls out like a firehose, her eyes comically bulging through the ends of the telescopes.
The Internet experience of 2014 has been condensed into a single article for your convenience.
Youtube user HolkHogan420 has been systematically exposing all of the Illuminati's plans.
The Something Awful front page news tackles anything both off and on the Internet. Mostly "on" though, as we're all incredible nerds.