This article is part of the Dynamars Corporation Information Kiosk series.
** Welcome to the new Cycnus Station Update Service, Resident #013!
This kiosk is designed to keep you updated on all relevant station activity within your clearance level. Your security clearance is LEVEL 3. DynaMars Corporation wishes to remind you that sharing sensitive information with subordinates will result in criminal prosecution.
Please take advantage of the Cycnus Station Update Service, accessible from kiosks located in the entrances to each sector, for all the latest news!
Please read each update in full.
***12-06-2305 - New Entry
As a special treat for the holidays, DynaMars Corporation is pleased to announce the activation of HOLIDAY PROTOCOL TX-0992. At 0000 hours, all station lights will automatically turn green or red. Enjoy the festive colored lighting! DynaMars Corporation wishes you a very happy holiday season.
***12-07-2305 - New Entry
Chief Medical Officer Brugmann has informed us of a 100% increase in headaches and eyestrain following the activation of HOLIDAY PROTOCOL TX-0992. Unfortunately, we cannot disable HOLIDAY PROTOCOL TX-0992 without triggering HOLIDAY FAILSAFE CX-11951. It is in the best interest of all Cycnus Station personnel that HOLIDAY FAILSAFE CX-11951 not be triggered.
We are pleased to report that HOLIDAY PROTOCOL TX-0992 will shut down automatically at 0000 hours on 01-01-2306. No need to intervene!
***12-08-2305 - New Entry
DynaMars Corporation wishes to congratulate Resident #013 for his outstanding work in Sector C Quantum Labs. Resident #013's pioneering research into the field of intrabladder entanglement may one day produce a cure for urination. DynaMars Corporation is throwing its full support behind this important scientific endeavor. Resident #013 has already received a generous grant from DynaMars Corporation's Dark Projects Department!
Congratulations, Resident #013!
***12-10-2305 - New Entry
As part of Phase 2 of HOLIDAY PROTOCOL TX-0992, the Cycnus Station Intercom System has been commandeered for the purpose of playing pleasant holiday music 24 hours a day!
Phase 2 also triggered EMERGENCY MESS HALL MENU OVERRIDE LM-2324. Expect delicious ham to be served on Christmas Day!
DynaMars Corporation is committed to bringing the complete holiday experience to Mars.
The Amazonians value combat prowess and purity of spirit. By wrestling half naked, they pay homage to both virtues by displaying their battle-forged bodies while preserving as much modesty as their society deems necessary. The gelatin in which they wrestle is symbolic of the fluid nature of battle, a concept the Amazonians call ‘akgor-gra.’
Pros: Much more comfortable than my last toilet seat, which was a transparent resin with seashells embedded inside. The outer layer wore off from friction, exposing the sharp jagged edges of the seashells, which were constantly scrapping my backside and causing major cuts and open sores.
The Something Awful front page news tackles anything both off and on the Internet. Mostly "on" though, as we're all incredible nerds.
Keep up to date on the DynaMars Corporation's perpetually doomed efforts to colonize Mars.