This article is part of the Dynamars Corporation Information Kiosk series.
** Welcome to the new Cycnus Station Update Service, Resident #013!
This kiosk is designed to keep you updated on all relevant station activity within your clearance level. Your security clearance is LEVEL 3. DynaMars Corporation wishes to remind you that sharing sensitive information with non-authorized persons is strictly prohibited.
Please take advantage of the Cycnus Station Update Service, accessible from kiosks located in the entrances to each sector, for all the latest news!
Please read each update in full.
*** Previous Cycnus Station Updates can be found in the DynaMars Kiosk Archives.
***06-09-2306 - New Entry
DynaMars Corporation is pleased to report that it has completed its efforts to re-staff Cycnus Station! Cycnus Station now boasts an impressive personnel detail of over 200 talented men and women, plus one very friendly android. Interim Commanding Officer Golding has the full support of DynaMars Corporation up until we find a qualified replacement.
Welcome to Mars! Together, we will make the Red Planet green!
In light of our recent disagreements with the Colonial Government over certain so-called "crimes against humanity," we will no longer be utilizing clones to maintain any DynaMars Corporation facility. In keeping with court rulings, all clones of Resident #012 have been humanely baconized.
***06-10-2306 - New Entry
Interim Commanding Officer Golding would like to remind all station personnel that the identity of the friendly android is off limits. As androids are a protected category, they may not be discriminated against and must be treated as equals. Please stop asking who the android is. Think of this mysterious robotic creation as just another colleague.
It's that time of the year again! Chief Medical Officer Brugmann will be issuing mandatory allergy shots in the Sector F Infirmary. Please get your shot as soon as possible.
***06-11-2306 - New Entry
Interim Commanding Officer Golding and DynaMars Corporation would like to remind all station personnel that just because Resident #055's head caught on fire and started shooting sparks does not mean he is an android. As Resident #055 was completely unharmed by the incident, he will be returning to work immediately. Do not accuse him of being an android.
In all likelihood Resident #055 simply suffered a mild reaction to his allergy shot.
Republicans announce that all legislation must be voted on at 2am in a secret chamber, with no one but the lobbyists who write the bills seeing a single line of text. Democrats' Response: Stumbling around a field stepping on rakes, handles smashing them directly in their faces every single time.
There is a witch hunt going on right now and I promise you that you will not find any witches in the pleasure room in my congressional office.
For fans of meaningless awards, these awards are extra meaningless.
Buy three Epic Loot Crates for only $7.99, get a free fourth loot crate for only $2.99!
The Something Awful front page news tackles anything both off and on the Internet. Mostly "on" though, as we're all incredible nerds.
Keep up to date on the DynaMars Corporation's perpetually doomed efforts to colonize Mars.