Goings to Fights Encounters Rudos Maneuvers
This is the big tops that were being the roofs for the matches and containing all of the excitement that was inside.Long time readers are being made to know of Yours Truly and his many acts upon charity which are benefiting the charity of choices. One weeks ago we are having major wrestling festival in Tijuana called the "Hold Fest VII" which is of course an explosion of the wrestle sensation. Being big star shining brightly in local wrestling scene Yours Truly is being asked to participate and I am on vacation so it is "I don't know about the sounds of this deal fellows" and then I am hearing that it is for the good cause so I am saying "yes I will apply the mastery of the squared circles but only for the sake of the childrens."
Do not be taking me of the wrong direction, this is a match for the charity but it is still important because when there is moves to be had your reputation is on the line at all of the times. Some of you may be made to think that it is a party, well let me break in the news to you, this is no party this is the serious business and the smiles for the fans turn to the frowns of concentration when the battle of wills is being made to commence. My first question after I am agreeing to engage into the battle is who is the poor gentleman who I am going to best and the word is that it is going to be ultimate rudos and long time not at all friend Bug Ox. I am yelling into the telephone that Bug Ox is not a good solution to the math problem of Yours Truly + Other Wrestler = Charity Match.
The man who is planning this occasion is made to tell me that Bug Ox is only wrestler in weight category that is agreeing to wrestle for the charity and I tell him "well okay you have it your ways sir but I am asking you to write down on the record that I am telling you now that Bug Ox will cheat and then walk away to the waiting car with all the charity money and the children will be cries." He is not liking the sound of this and is making to accuse me of all manner of slander comments but he is not yelling like he might if the tables are turning because he is still wanting me to wrestle with ugly bad guy Bug Ox.
Infanto Giganto of the Terrible Twos is making to grab you stranger, oh oh look out friends! HAHA, no seriously.I am hanging up the phone and considering this offer but my thoughts are drift wood on ocean with currents pulling towards Bug Ox. Bug Ox is rudos, he is cheating at all chance, but he is also ugly and dumb and his trademark maneuvers are so stupid fans are sitting in silence trying to make determinations of why he is in ring at all. It is wave of shock saying "oh my this rudos hombre is as silly as they are coming" but it is worse because he is winning more often than many because of the cheats he devises. I am hope that maybe a bus full of banjos will drive over the head of Bug Ox and fulfill dream of his demise. Knowing the luck of Yours Truly the bus would be full of pillows and when driving over head of Bug Ox would make him even more stupid and even more rudos and his cry of "Bu-bu-BUG OX!" would send all new shiver of anger through spines.
Two days are going across the sky and then I am packing myself into the Sombrero mobile with Sombrero Largo to head into the "Hold Fest VII". I am trying to be concentration on the subject of the children who will be benefiting from all of the moneys that are coming towards their good cause of happiness. This is giving some comfort but I am being haunted like the house of horrors by the ghost of Bug Ox laughing madly as he is making his great getaway with all of the charities. Then the children cry, the children are always the ones who cry if you know what I am saying.
The sight is one sight that definitely should be seen when I am making my entrance into the big top where the events are held. Children are crowded in and there are elephants being kicked by mules in grudge matches that would boggle the mind of the boss of the president, if he had a boss, haha, no, seriously. It is a crazy circus and the kids are all laughing when the fire the canine cannonball at a lion and both of them are knocked silly into the stands. There are screams of joy and many of the children are so excited they run outside yelling to get some fresh air. After things are being calmed down it is time to start the main events which is first the super hat weights who are wrestling and they are not so special. Long time friend Hurricane Puma and rudos brother Tornado Cougar are showing off their moves as the Weather Predator Cats take on Infanto Giganto and Mad Toddler Sanchez of the Terrible Twos. Weather Predator Cats are being made to lose but at last minute Tornado Cougar is cheating as usual and the match is going to them when the chair flies like ninja star into head of Infanto Giganto. The booing comes fast and furious and then it is time for the big matches with Yours Truly and Bug Ox.
The crowd is saluting my entrance as usual although there is some technical problems with the pyrotechnics of fire and I am burning in the eyebrow hair region. This is no good but if the fans have a good laugh at my expense I am okay with this because they are just children, if they were not being children I would possibly kick their heads off. Bug Ox is coming in with all of the style of someone who is normally given to kissing men and is a man himself, this is the opposite of what a dignified wrestling sensation should do. He is lowering in on rope while the purple smokes are coming out of the ring corners and then he takes off the cape and has the megaphone and is yelling "Bu-Bu-BUG OX!" and the children are angry and yelling "Boo-Boo-BOOOOGX!" in chant of reply. I know the crowd is on the side of Yours Truly.
The referee is not one I am recognizing but this is not surprise of particular importance because things like these are happening at all times at the charity events of this nature which I am currently at. The blow is coming from nowhere and the match is beginning with the hurt put upon my chest by the cruel rudos punches of Bug Ox. He is prancing around the ring and showing the boat as usual any time he is delivering a package of kicks addressed to my groin or head. The upper hand is being had by Yours Truly at last with a spin kick toe grab to his legs that sends him onto the mat like a meteor entering from square-circle orbits. I am quick to apply the Pinto Press to him and am following into the neighborhood of submission hold boulevard. This is when referee type is saying "stop that it is rudos" and I am so angry because rudos and I are on separate continents of the globe that I am slapping the referee. This is knocking fake nose off of referee and the crowd is gasp when all are seeing like me that referee is in actuality being Bug Horse, the equally rudos brother of Bug Ox.
If the United Nations of America is making a new country and it is called Rudosia then Bug Ox is president by everyone's vote.The moment of shock is taken to advantage of by Bug Ox who sends a swift kick to my groins which are shouting with pain from deep beneath the confines of my white trunks. I am thinking things can be salvaged from the neck up but then there is a blow from Horse Ox which is delivered courtesy of the chair patrol to the head region and then onto the neck and then when I am falling to the ground also onto my back. I am so stunned that the chair is sitting on my back and Bug Ox is climbing up into the rafters and leaping down with his lead filled boots onto the chair which is knocking the wind out of my eyes.
Things are going to the gray land of unconsciousness for some time at this point but when I am regaining the senses of combat I am discovering that Horse Ox is holding me and Bug Ox is about to kick a pair of garden sheers through my lungs. This is so rudos that my anger is exploding out of my mask and I am breaking free of Horse Ox and Bug Ox is kicking garden sheers through the lungs of Horse Ox instead. There are great fountains of blood and even the Indomitable Dr. Fights would be horrified by the activity in the ring. The medics are fast to enter and haul off Horse Ox (I am finding out later that he is to live but will have to talk through a tin can from now on) and Bug Ox is going berserk with the punches to my face.
Between Yours Truly and you friendly reader Bug Ox was so angry he was overcoming his horrible moves and would have probably delivered defeat to my doorstep if the match was not being ended by the police who are rushing into tent firing tear gas. The children are screaming and crying and vomiting and collapsing with disappointment that the match is being made to end. Before we are running from police Bug Ox is yelling to me "watch your back when season of fights are starting masterful opponent and star of the rings El Pinto Grande". The seasons are starting soon and I am knowing that it will be a tough road to walk up the hill to victory and a title belts, especially with Bug Ox waiting to ruin my matches.
I will be sure to be updating the fans like you on this Something Awesome pages or on the computer book of Yours Truly which is being a part of Something Awesome.
Forget Target or Best Buy, if you want deals this Black Friday you can't do better than smoking massive, mind-melting quantities of DMT.
A reluctant family is forced to welcome a non-human participant to Thanksgiving dinner.
You cant go around life being smart in an unconventional way, it could change the world.
The Something Awful front page news tackles anything both off and on the Internet. Mostly "on" though, as we're all incredible nerds.