Hello. My name is Terry Taft and you may be intersted to know that I am related to president Taft of the USA. I am also a online artist and I have made many works if I may toot my own horn. I have been at it for over 1 year now so I am something of a veteran in the online art scene. They say a lot of artists were mentally troubled men who had a disaster that made them even more mentally troubled which is why they do art. Well that didn't happen to me but one scary night in March 2005 my grandma loaded all my anime and anime collectibles up in a Reebok duffel bag and threw them out and said they were garbage. And she threw out the duffel bag too!! It had my Game Boy Pocket and games in it as well. Rather then getting all up in arms in rage at my grandma I channeled my energy into something constructive and beautiful instead of breakng a vase. That is when I found out that I am a real wizard when it comes to art if I may toot my horn again and all kinds of people from the world have enjoyed my works so far.
So why is this man here you might be asking? I have been looking on Something Awful for a while and this page is a very good web page because it loads fast and there's a lot to look at but it is missing one thing: culture! Its a lot of video game talk and some movies and sure they even talk about music sometimes but that's not real culture because in the future nobody will listen to Toby Keith but they WILL look at ART. On Star trek they have paintings all over the place which is where I got my Worf nickname from since he beats guys up every day but still appreciates a good painting. I dont beat anyone up though. So yeah sorry Dr. David Thorpe but your not helping anyone with your jive talk but I'm sure you are a nice man.
You see, in todays modern world it is so easy to get caught up in the hustle-bustle that you forget to look at art. You can go to Burger King and get a whooper with cheese (which would not be art) or you can stay home and cook yourself spaghetti and look at art (which actually is art). It seems like most people these days are filling their bellies with junk food and fast food and no art. Well that's bad news because art brings your soul out of the body to look at the art and when your soul is peeking out of your chest you can look for it. "SOUL SEARCHIN'!!" But there's a lot of art online that's not fit to show a country swine that's why I'm going to show you some of my favorite selected works from my Deviant ART portfolio and a piece that nobody has ever seen before.... Something Awful Exclusive art!! Hows that for culture!
worf wallpaper 1 by ~worfsonofmogh
March 21, 2005
This is the first wallpaper I made it using some Photoshop Top Classified Secrets of the pros that I found on a website. I made it on ground zero. (zero days after I was grounded for yelling in the house. like 70 mins. after) I was really angry and I don't like this wallpaper anymore because its ugly but I included it because it is so full of my raw emotions. A guy put it on his favorite list which is like the top compliment you can get on Deviant ART. I guess he or she feels emotions too. Knowing that was the first time I truely felt alive.
My own rating: 30 stars out of 100
worf wallpaper 2 by ~worfsonofmogh
March 25, 2005
This is number 2 and the first one where I have officially branched out into space! I needed a way to make a picture of a whole planet on fire because thats how I felt that day like the whole world was on fire with my anger. So instead of taking a picture of a couch on fire or something I made it look like a planet from space was on fire and it was a lot easier let me tell you because I think my grandma's couch was flame retardant. It's an alien planet because I didn't want to make it earth I thought it was too soon after 9/11.
My own rating: 68 stars out of 100
worfpaper 3 by ~worfsonofmogh
April 9, 2005
I am very proud of this one this is where I finally broke into the big time and got noticed and all it took was some clever wizardry! Do you see the big crack in the planet? Well I dropped my brother's birthday cake on accident and took a picture of it. Then I inverted the picture and put it over the planet and now it looks like the planet is cracked instead of the cake. I felt so clever that day not only because of that but also because I put the icing on before anyone ever found out the cake fell on the floor.
My own rating: 85 stars out of 100
worfpaper 4 by ~worfsonofmogh
April 10, 2005
You may have heard of a little fellow named GREG MARTIN? He's my inspiration for all this by the way he makes some of the best wallpapers of space scenes. I made this one in his style to give big ups to my boy Greg but I don't think he ever saw it. Anyway he's cool. It was kind of a rotten day around the house and I was feeling particularly militant so its a good thing that "she who will remain nameless" didn't come over because I would have showed her why she needed medicare so bad.
My own rating: 70 stars out of 100
worfpaper 5 by ~worfsonofmogh
April 14, 2005
I felt real dark and moody on this day probably because I woke up at 11 PM and had to stay up all night to wait for the super to come fix the water heater on our floor. He's stupid because he only works at night. I think he's a vampire because he's only out at night and he sucks!! He finally came at like 4 AM though and I got to get some more sleep. This is one of my favorites because I was really tired when I made it and I think that was my subconscious mind doing all the work and it goes to show that every mans mind is a complex and mysterious thing and also because blue is my favorite color.
My own rating: 92 stars out of 100
worfpaper transmission by ~worfsonofmogh
May 30, 2005
BEEP BUZZZ transmission from the grandma homeworld!! I tried to tell a story with this and that story is: "Grandma called me and made me upset and basicaly turned my day upside down and my smile was gone too." She came over and threw a ruckus at me. It was not a very good time but on this day I learned the best trick in the book for making stuff look like it's on TV. "Well of course it's a transmission the picture looks like it's on TV" one person might say and to them I would say "Shut up" because if you think about any kind of art long enough it doesn't make sense and this is quite obviously art of a high caliber so just shut up like I said.
My own rating: 84 stars out of 100
worfpaper gramma ray burst by ~worfsonofmogh
TODAY!! August 1, 2006
Hot diggity!!!! Fresh new exclusive beats only for Something Awful.com. Actually this was one I made 1 week ago but I never put it on Deviant ART because grandma came down with the flu and mom was scared she might die of it. But she didn't and now I can make it available. At first it was going to be The Big Bang with grandma's head in it releasing her values on the universe (me) but I forgot that there were no stars when the big Bang was going on and I saved it before I remembered to take the stars out so now it is a gramma ray burst. I am real proud of it.
My own rating: 98 or 99 stars "too close to call"
That's all the art I feel like talking about today. There are like 16 total works on my Deviant ART page where you can find all of these and more so if you have a Deviant ART account we can be friends and trade tips. Maybe I will be back again some time if they want more high class art on here. I really like this web page. Until then: Enjoy your new cultured lifestyle!!!
Perfect Eggs Every Time: Hold an egg in your cupped hands. Put your hands over a fire, squeezing them together gently to crack the egg open. Try not to let any egg liquid or egg shell fall out between your fingers.
Absolve me of my past fines, so that I may checkout again.
You cant go around life being smart in an unconventional way, it could change the world.
The Something Awful front page news tackles anything both off and on the Internet. Mostly "on" though, as we're all incredible nerds.