I would describe the taste as what you would expect if you licked the oil off the machine parts in a gun. It seemed very industrial. I decided to add a little sweetness from the Popin' Cookin' kitchen, but after I dumped out the packet I was unable to go through with another bite.

I didn't feel very good after the one bite so I put the Whopper aside and checked the box for anything else. There was one other thing, quite heavy, with a disturbing appearance.

I turned it over. Apparently it was a pair of fake boobs that you can place censored carrots between.

I didn't have any carrots, so I put one of my #24 Jeff Gordon energy drinks there. It seemed like it would stay there pretty well, so if there was an earthquake or you were in a car doing a power slide around a turn I think these fake boobs would hold onto your drink pretty well.

It also worked fairly well...

...as a sloppy Whopper holder.

Peter did finally get back to me about eating some of the sex spray and bukkake lotion on a hamburger.

Over the years Peter has sent me roughly fifteen emails trying to get me to review Tenga eggs. I think they're eggs you jack off with. Every time I have to tell him, "Peter, no, I can't review eggs you jack off with."

But I'll store my Whoppers in his tits.

– Zack "Geist Editor" Parsons (@sexyfacts4u)

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