Ravens most brutal + darkest bird.I know what is coming and I have been preparing and getting ready. I do not use guns because firearms are for cowards + I prefer the vicious rule of blades. Get in close, use your strength, and see your enemy's fear as you finish him off with your weapon.

I have trained heavily with all weapons in this article. If you have never dagger, sword, or axe trained you should consider starting with knives.

Practice knife poses in front of mirror, watch movies with lots of knife fighting, and listen to some knife podcasts available on itunes with suggestions on technique + good buys.

Most of all defend your family. Here are my blades.

Four Headed Dragon Bowie Knife


Lethality Rating -
Style Rating -
Intimidation Rating -


Pros: 4 X DRAGON STRENGTH LETHALITY, FLAME STENCIL EMBOSS

Cons: No sheath, uncomfortable to hold.

Notes: Where is the fourth dragon head? Test me and find out. I will keep this bowie close to my DVD collection in case of home invasion. Repel 4X attacker simultaneously using dragon knife kata (SELF TAUGHT DERIVED FROM STEVE COTTER KETTLEBELLS DVD) and wits.

Rating: Vengeance.


Sea Dragon Dagger + Force Hologram



Lethality Rating -
Style Rating -
Intimidation Rating -


Pros: Long dagger blade improves body armor penetration and vital organ STRIKES.

Cons: Handle too short for my hand, smells really strongly like cleaning chemicals.

Notes:
Deadly in water w/ strength of sea dragon includes hologram for effectiveness in 5-dimensional attacks. WILL CROUCH IN SHOWER WAITING FOR ATTACKER TO ENTER B-ROOM. PULL DOWN S-CURTAIN + SIDE KICK + WALL COLLAPSES LAUNCH MYSELF THROUGH SHOWER AND STRIKE RABIDLY TO ABDOMEN WITH SEA DRAGON. Also perfect for under sea combat, shark combat, fight against fish and/or SCUBA + pool/wading usage.

Rating: Wicked.


Zatoichi Samurai Katana (authentic to movie)


Lethality Rating -
Style Rating -
Intimidation Rating -


Pros: Legacy of strength and brutality, good intimidation factor + justice blade. Excellent for defense and good fight.

Cons: Similar to katana used by amateur blade warriors.

Notes: Will carry this on back in back sheath. Still training on blind fighting but will allow me to combat attackers if they knockout power and take my lowlight goggles I got from premium edition of MW2. Some expert fighters might underestimate katana thinking it is a laughable blade, will feel the cut twice as deep when I strike.

Rating: Brutal.

More Front Page News

This Week on Something Awful...

Copyright ©2014 Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka & Something Awful LLC.