Pride shall be brought to your family. The games have already started though so you have to hurry. What event will you conquer? It's obvious. Javelin Toss. Looks like the medieval pike you carved for the renaissance fair will come in handy after all. Will they make you perform a drug test? Probably. To be safe, you piss into an empty container of mint chocolate chip ice cream. Does chocolate chip show up in urine samples? Forget it. You write a quick note and leave it on the counter. "Mom, in China. Told you I could use my pike for something other than the fair. I couldn't bring the armor though. Love, your bunny." How are you doing on time? Bob Costas is talking about the Olympic spirit. Looks like you got two days before he's finished. Okay, time to buy a plane ticket, but how are you supposed to pay for this.
Editor's Note: Due to a freak power outage, this obituary of Barbara Bush was written without the benefit of research. In order to pay our respects to this great woman in a timely fashion, we have decided to post this piece as-is. We hope you forgive any errors on our part.
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