Pride shall be brought to your family. The games have already started though so you have to hurry. What event will you conquer? It's obvious. Javelin Toss. Looks like the medieval pike you carved for the renaissance fair will come in handy after all. Will they make you perform a drug test? Probably. To be safe, you piss into an empty container of mint chocolate chip ice cream. Does chocolate chip show up in urine samples? Forget it. You write a quick note and leave it on the counter. "Mom, in China. Told you I could use my pike for something other than the fair. I couldn't bring the armor though. Love, your bunny." How are you doing on time? Bob Costas is talking about the Olympic spirit. Looks like you got two days before he's finished. Okay, time to buy a plane ticket, but how are you supposed to pay for this.
The human anatomy is home to more than three hundred organs. Doctors and chocolatiers agree that the vast majority of these revolting lumps of tissue serve little to no function. If you find yourself standing in a long line or stuck at the airport waiting for a delayed flight, consider taking a few minutes to remove the following from your person.
Do you have what it takes to make it on the ballot?
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