Mom said that this card is only for emergencies. She even made a chart to help you identify if something is important or not. Well, it doesn't say a thing about going to the Olympics. You find a flight, and based on the cost, you think the gods must be on your side.
Oops, nope. Unfortunately, the $500 cap on your card makes international travel difficult. But don't worry; it isn't too late for plan B. Your Olympic dreams are not yet crushed
Obviously, the first thing necessary to getting back in shape is buying a bunch of expensive knick-knacks.
Finally, a look at the candidate's long-delayed tax returns.
The Something Awful front page news tackles anything both off and on the Internet. Mostly "on" though, as we're all incredible nerds.