As they drink from your puddle, you raise the javelin and kill one. Then another. Finally, the leader of group looks up. He's aware that he is a mutant, and accepts his fate. The monster whispers thank you as you bring down the pike one last time.
Alone, surrounded by death and covered with blood, you are unsure of what to do. Why were you so passionate about being in the Olympics? Was it worth the life of five mutants and one pervert? No, of course not. You think about calling the police, but decide listening to Limp Bizkit would be better.
Want to take part in our much-publicized trade in program to swap an old tablet or video game for in-store credit? Great! We just need your license, home phone number, email address, work number, and your fingerprints. We might even take a mugshot of you.
Are you ready to be consistently depressed by how you're throwing your money and life away? Check out Loot Crate's 2015 lineup of upcoming crates!
The Something Awful front page news tackles anything both off and on the Internet. Mostly "on" though, as we're all incredible nerds.