Approximate Snooze Hits: 20
"This is why I've accomplished nothing with my life."

Approximate Snooze Hits: 30

"I have become a somehow less funny Garfield."

Approximate Snooze Hits: 40
"I earnestly think joining the military would improve my life."

Approximate Snooze Hits: 50
"I really hope there is a carbon monoxide leak to explain my general sloth behavior."

Approximate Snooze Hits: 60
"My teachers were right: I'll never achieve anything."

Approximate Snooze Hits: 70

"All I have to do is not sleep for two straight days and I'll catch right on up."

Approximate Snooze Hits: 80
"I do not deserve the sun."

Approximate Snooze Hits: 90
"Like the dried drool on my cheek, I am the worthless flaking crust of this world."

Approximate Snooze Hits: 100

"I can only speculate on the existence of Farmer's Markets and fantasize about fresh produce, but based on my actual schedule, it looks like a life of microwavable burritos for me."

Approximate Snooze Hits: 110

"This is proof that I am unable to function without my mother's assistance."

Approximate Snooze Hits: 120

"Sleeping in this late might be acceptable if last night wasn't so boring."

Approximate Snooze Hits: 130
"I'll never be able to use the Spotify playlist Indie Brunch."

Approximate Snooze Hits: 140
"I am the humanoid version of the Greek Economy."

Approximate Snooze Hits: 150
"Forget it. Today's cancelled."

– Ian "Salmon Season" Golding (@iggolding)

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