This article is part of the Spout.ly Drinking Fountain Reviews series.
With hot summer days upon us, it's more important than ever to find the perfect fountain to quench your thirst. Thankfully, Spout.ly's dedicated community has honed in on Shaggy Butte's best summertime springs to help keep you cool. -Spout.ly Senior Editor Chris Bluefield
Warren G. Harding High School
"The fountain just outside the doors to the girl's locker room is a real gem. It's a bit annoying because there are lots of feisty teenage girls wearing only towels yelling and talking loudly. Ladies, get over yourselves. This fountain is tremendous, aside from the rowdy crowd." -Thirsty Man
"This is one steamy fountain. The locker room girls can be real pests, whipping you with towels and calling you a pervert, or trying way too hard to get your attention. Just ignore 'em, because the water here is the real attraction. Perfect flowing fountain with a clean sip. Basin drainage is a thing to marvel at. One of my new faves." -Evenflow
"I have no idea how this fountain came to be or who built it, but it's freakin' monument. It's mounted on a tree deep in the woods. We're talking crisp flow, ultra-responsive button and unbeatable sippage. I did get caught in a bear trap, but I was able to pry it off and hobble away. Delicious fountain." -HydraDad
"This fountain was built by Freedom Gulper, who went off the grid and became a survivalist after Obama got reelected. It's on his property, which is why there are all those Vietcong traps everywhere. Worth the risk sneaking in, because the man knows how to install a fountain. The technical precision on this baby is pure artistry, and more than makes up for the sickening well-water taste." -Wet Beard
"I got pelted with rocks by some fat screaming lady while going inside to get a drink. Not sure what that was about. The ambience here is downright terrible, making this place a definite gulp-and-go. The fountain is clean and well maintained, and apart from a slightly higher than average button response time, the water is clear with an admirable flow." -Waterbaron
"G&G spot for sure. Too many Weepy Weepersons and nosy staff asking if they can help you. I know how to operate a drinking fountain, as evidenced by my power gulp technique, so obviously I don't need help. A janitor said they might have to turn off the fountain due to funding cuts, which is just heartbreaking to think about. This fountain is blazin'." -BigDripper
Cobb Street Fire Station
"If you can get past the irritating, needlessly bossy firemen hovering over you, you'll be treated to a really exceptional fountain. I find it's best to phone in a fake fire emergency to give the firemen something useful to do before going in for a drink. That way you can really savor this beaut. The firemen are hard drinkers, because they cranked the pressure up on this bad boy. Hard on the gums, but a great experience for sure." -Moist Man
"First of all, f*** the fire department, the useless f***s. I came to try the fountain, and got yelled at by half a dozen mustached roidheads angry I parked my truck in front of their garage. I told them I was just here for a drink, and it would only take fifteen minute. So those jerks blasted my truck with a fire hose, ruining all the newspapers I had in the back. Nearly got me fired from my job as an alcoholic step dad with a paper route." -SwillBabySwill
"Real avant-garde design. It's like a fountain, minus the fountain itself. A deconstructed fount, if you will. I've seen a few people peeing in it, which is off-putting for sure, but I can't really judge. Who among us hasn't peed in a drinking fountain? No button, just a free-flowing wall of water cascading into a super deep basin. My mind is blown." -Swigga Please
"Ok, first of all, this isn't technically a drinking fountain. It's one of those urinal troughs, which is why it's in the men's room. If you're willing to stretch the definition of a fountain and experiment, you will be pleasantly surprised. It's challenging to drink from, but it has a nice briny taste that makes this unique and fun." -DeepDrinker
Yes, it's the perfect form for surviving a car crash. But it's also the perfect form for so much more, like surviving the trauma of reading any news headline in 2016.
It's just a little confusing, is all.
The Something Awful front page news tackles anything both off and on the Internet. Mostly "on" though, as we're all incredible nerds.
Reviews of Shaggy Butte's drinking fountains, from Spout.ly and other rival sites.