BobServo: I cannot tell a lie. This kid is creeping me the fuck out.

Brad: What is it about homeschooling that seems to change a kid's face? Like you can be walking down the street and see a kid with a pale, slightly deformed face and know not only that they were homeschooled, but also how absolutely crazy their education was by how off-putting they are.

A creepy smile that's just a little too small for the face? Then at least they used state approved textbooks even though every reference to the outside world was scratched out to keep them from being tempted to take off their blindfolds during the weekly Olive Garden lunch outing. Eyebrows that trail down three inches too long on one side and these weird ass white pimples under his eyes like he's got a disease you can catch just from him looking at you? That kid's entire understanding of the universe is based on Veggie Tales and a painting of Jesus hanging over the fire place he stares at five hours every day to fulfill the history requirement.

BobServo: George Washington called. He wants to know why a slave cut him off on the highway this morning.

More Front Page News

This Week on Something Awful...

  • Meditations from a Movable Weiner

    Meditations from a Movable Weiner

    Sometimes I dream that I'm sitting in the back of the defunct Weinermobile as it careens driverless down the highway. At first I thought this was symbolic of the powerlessness I feel in life, but then I realized it's actually the Weinermobile's dream of being able to drive again.

  • Dog Reviews: The Barquis de Sade & Cleaver Dog Reviews: The Barquis de Sade & Cleaver

    Three years ago, when we were burying my uncle, Cleaver and some gross lady dog (Solstice???) showed up at the cemetery and starting going at it really loudly. It ruined everything and we had to have a "re-do" the next day and it cost a fortune. I've hated him ever since for that.

Copyright ©2014 Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka & Something Awful LLC.