Dishwallocaust
0 up, 163 down
The mysterious event that resulted in the total disappearance of every American pop-rock band of the mid 90s.

"Hey, do you guys have any new releases by Better Than Ezra, Veruca Salt, Gin Blossoms, Toad the Wet Sprocket, Fastball, Counting Crows or Belly?"

"I'm sorry, sir. They all perished in the Dishwallocaust."

Related: | collective soul | the toadies | tonic |
Kochblocked3 up, 12 down
When you're at a party in hell trying to get with Ilse Koch, but Hitler puts the moves on her first.

"Hey, isn't that Hitler making out with that Ilse chick you're trying to bag?"

"Dammit, Kochblocked again!"

Related: | kochtease | bluchenballd |
7-10 Split0 up, 44 down
When the girl you're flirting with and the girl you're running interference on are standing on opposite sides of the room... or so you think: they're actually both the same girl, because you're tripping on DMT.

"Yo, you wanna help me with this 7-10 split?"

"Okay, but only for a minute. Then I'm gonna morph into some freaky combination of all your childhood fears, holding a knife in one hand and a roll of duct tape in the other if that's cool..."

Related: | strike | spare | oh god my hands are melting |
Live Studio Audience
2 up, 83 down
A friend you keep around only because they laugh at all of your jokes, no matter how unfunny they are.

"So last night I was having this dream that I was eating the world's largest marshmallow... and when I woke up, the world's largest marshmallow was gone!"

"Ha ha ha ha ha!"

"Dave Thorpe was filmed before a live studio audience."

Related: | laugh track | kevin eubanks |
Drankula
1 up, 221 down
A person who puts two straws under their upper lip and sneaks around bars siphoning people's drinks.

"Hey! What the hell do you think you're doing?"

"Bluh! I am Drankula!"

(Just then, Drankula is punched in the face)

Related: | drankenstein | crackula |
Sausage Police
105 up, 1384 down
Self-explanatory term for anyone who criticizes another person's sausage - they have no intention of eating it; they just like giving sausage critiques.

"That sausage is way undercooked."

"Woop woop, sausage police!"

Related: | back-seat sausagier | ham critic |

Special thanks this week to Josh Boruff, Brannen H and Mark D!

– David Thorpe and Jed Kirchner (@Arr)

More Front Page News

This Week on Something Awful...

  • Meditations from a Movable Weiner

    Meditations from a Movable Weiner

    Sometimes I dream that I'm sitting in the back of the defunct Weinermobile as it careens driverless down the highway. At first I thought this was symbolic of the powerlessness I feel in life, but then I realized it's actually the Weinermobile's dream of being able to drive again.

  • BarkWire.com Dog Reviews: The Barquis de Sade & Cleaver

    BarkWire.com Dog Reviews: The Barquis de Sade & Cleaver

    Three years ago, when we were burying my uncle, Cleaver and some gross lady dog (Solstice???) showed up at the cemetery and starting going at it really loudly. It ruined everything and we had to have a "re-do" the next day and it cost a fortune. I've hated him ever since for that.

Copyright ©2014 Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka & Something Awful LLC.